Wednesday, January 13, 2010


Have you ever not been able to stop smiling and not had a clue why you were smiling in the first place????? Have you ever felt your spirit soar to the point that you feel as if you were staring in some grand musical in the scene where the music is swelling, the camera panning all around, and you are dancing with you face lifted to the sky and your arms outstretched????

Wow! What is it? Less than four hours ago I went to bed so exhausted as I said in the previous post that I thought I was going to cry and also thought I might just throw up. I'm not sure I even fell asleep, between then and now. I think it was more like I was in the in between state most if not all the time.

Before I turned out the light I read the days devotional thought from Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy by Sarah Breathnach. A couple thoughts struck me that I tried to stick into a corner of my mind for more thought in the morning they were...."Without thinking, you throw away every precious twenty four hours that come your way. You cease to live, and merely exist." and "You have the power to change your lifestyle and move from a feeling of lack and deprivation to a feeling of abundance and fulfillment." and finally "The simpler we make our lives, the more abundant they become. There is no scarcity except in our souls."

I then turned out the bedside light and had my evening conversation with God. For the most part it was the usual conversation (prayer) thanking him for the blessings I found in my day, asking for his protection over the house and myself during the night, and for a good nights sleep so I would be refreshed in the morning and be ready for another busy day. But I asked also that he show me how to move from that feeling of a lack and deprivation to a feeling of abundance. I confessed that to often these days I get mired in what I have lost, what I don't have, and I forget to notice and acknowledge the gifts, graces and abundance that he has placed in my life even now. I confessed my sense of aloneness even though I knew he, God, had promised he would never forsake me. Then I rolled over to go to sleep.

Being so tired and exhausted I wasn't sure if I easily fall asleep or be restless. Like I said I really don't know if I feel asleep or not, but I wasn't really restless, just felt more like being restful. It was probably about 9:30 by this time. I do remember checking the clock a few times, that's why I'm not sure I really fell asleep. Suddenly, I seemed wide awake and very rested. And even more amazing I began to feel like I was in that grand musical. It was as if my spirit was being lifted and that smile was growing inside and on my lips. I recalled a verse we read in the Monday Morning Study Group.

"But those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength.
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31.

It was amazing. I was watching in my head as it seemed I was dancing to that amazingly grand music. Spinning with my arms wide and my eyes uplifted to the heavens. I truly felt my spirit soar and my smile just kept getting bigger and bigger. I can honestly say I have never felt like this before, or if I have it has been so long that I have forgotten the feeling. I have felt awe and wonder, but not this sense of soaring of being lifted up.

I felt something within my soul saying "It will be OK. You are not alone. You will never be alone" and I knew I wasn't alone. Suddenly I was crying, but these were tears of joy. They must have been as I was still smiling, in the dark in my bed. Somewhat feeling like an idiot, but I didn't care. I still don't fully understand what was going on, but I'm sure it was God answering a prayer.

I tried for a while to calm down and try to go to sleep. I still do have to go to work in the morning, but I kept having the seance that I needed to come down to the computer and record what I had just experienced. I so wished there was someone I could have shared it with right then and there, but who do you call at midnight? Plus a part of me though wanting to share also wanted to treasure the experience in my own heart a little longer. Then need to record this didn't go away and still smiling I felt I better get myself out of bed to do so or I might never go to sleep. Having done so the sense of a soaring spirit has lessened though the smile is still present and I hope that now I may truly fall asleep and awaken renewed and rested ready to take on a new day with the smile at least in my heart if not still on my face.

I close with a statement and response we often use at gatherings at church:

"God is good all the time
All the time God is good!"


Diane said...

Praise God that He proved to you that He is real and that He loves you and will never leave you, once you have put your life in His hands.

Love and prayers, my friend!!!

Beth said...

Your joy has left ME smiling! Amen, my dear friend, AMEN!!