Wednesday, March 31, 2010


A self portrait at 60.
I sure don't feel 60. Where did all the years go???
I remember when I thought 60 was sooooo old. I remember when I thought 60 was a life time ago. I remember when I thought 60 would be the gateway to the wonderful Golden Years.......
All those remembrances have been proven false. 60, I guess it's just a number. I guess the truth is 60 is what you choose to make of it. Stephanie put on my birthday's just 30x2. Come to think of it my 30th birthday was a pretty crummy one. I guess I'll stick with 60 and just hope and pray for the best. As for now, I'll just head into work and it will be just another day like any other.

Friday, March 26, 2010


Tonight my favorite cutting board totally fell apart. Now that may not seem like a big deal, but it was. In fact, it was a gigantic of those things that suddenly takes on immense importance and becomes the proverbial "straw that broke the camels back". That well loved and well used cutting board sitting on the kitchen counter in two pieces with one piece still in my hand became my life. I wanted to crumble to the floor in tears. Unfortunately I was in the middle of browning sausage and cutting bread for egg and sausage casserole and making caramel topping for caramel rolls so I didn't have that luxury and simple stirred, cut and buttered with the tears and sobs. I am tired of my marriage falling apart, I'm tired of my house falling apart, I'm tired of my sewing machine falling apart and I'm tired of my cutting board being in three pieces when I needed it. I'm just tired.

What scares me the most is that right now I'm tired of believing that God has a plan for my life, I'm tired of believing that my life will be better, I'm tired of looking for the good in all the falling apart around me. I'm tired of being strong when I just want to love and be loved. I want to turn back the clock or I want to turn it forward, but I don't want to be here now all alone in a quiet house making family favorites for a family that's fallen apart and though it exists its in pieces like my cutting board.

Saturday, March 20, 2010


Yea, winter is officially over! Spring always brings with it new beginnings and hope. The grass is now green rather than brown, the birds are singing in the morning greeting each new day now, and the sun gives the air a warmth that just plain makes me smile! God is good!

I spent three days this week with a friend at Ocean City, MD and the beach. I love the beach. The sounds and smell of the ocean also make me smile. The smile they produce is in my soul rather than on my face. The sound of the ocean waves rolling and crashing onto the beach fills me with awe. Each wave holds power and a strength that appears to ebb and flows back out to sea only to return once again full of power. It never stops. The ocean waves do not take a break and cease coming onto the shore. Day and night they continue to roll ashore; coming in and going back out and coming in again. I never tire of watching the ocean waves or of listening to them. I can never look at them and not be reminded of the love of God. It never ceases just as the waves never cease and there is power in his love.

That reminds me of a verse in the song, The Power of His Love it says:

Lord renew my mind
As Your will unfolds my life
In living every day
By the power of Your love.

That is my prayer as we move into spring and the new beginning that it brings. I pray that the Lord will renew my mind and that as his will unfolds in my life I will have the courage and strength to live in it every day resting and relying on the power of his love!

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Momma Said There'll Be Days Like This!

Anyone remember the Shirelles? Well I guess unless you are a child of the 60's you probably don't....they had a song called Momma Said so I may have to introduce them to you or reintroduce them to forgetful children of the 60's.

Lyrics | Shirelles - Mama Said lyrics

Well I've had one of those days began with eye's popping wide open at 3:30 this morning! Not a good thing on the morning where one already lost an hour due to start of daylight savings! Little sleep does not do well for my ability to keep emotions in check....not a good thing on a Sunday morning! Then it's been raining and dreary since Friday....does great things for those emotions already out of control due to lack of sleep! I think you get the idea.

Anyway the day is now over. I survived and did actually get a few things accomplished as the afternoon wore on. I should be in bed trying to catch up on the missed sleep, but mind is still going a mile a minute and till it slows down to a crawl there will still be little sleep. So I listen to music from the 60's and reintroduce myself to the less complicated days of my youth. Similarly this is a pretty uncomplicated little musical ditty as it seems was much of the music of the early 60's.......ah, but the least some of them bring a smile to my face which is very very welcome.

Luckily tomorrow will be a new day. The good news is that by Tuesday the sun should be out once again and the temps on the rise as well. Always there is something to look forward to....even on days like this!

Wednesday, March 03, 2010


This quote comes with a question first? Who do you think might have said this????

"Learning how to live is much more important than learning how to make a living."

So who do you think might be the person who said this?

I was quite surprised when I found out. I am making a living or at least trying to, but more importantly I am at almost 60 still learning how to live. I'm learning how to make choices that give me a full, happy, contented and still productive life. I am learning productive means more than just more $'s in the bank, though that is nice. This is a hard lesson. Life in America is $ driven: More money to buy more things. More money to do things. More money to hoard away for a planned future that, I have learned, is not assured. More money for protection and security when God is really our only true protection and security.

More money, more money, more America it seems there is never enough money we always need more money. That is what I think comes when one focuses on the need for making a living rather than the need to learn how to live. Yes I fell into this trap make a living first, learn to live later after you have made it. I don't think I was always that way however. I think I used to know how to live, what was truly important to me. That it was only in the last 10 years or so that I forgot and the focus gradually changed. I need to relearn how to live......

I doubt the person who said this is really saying money is not good or that making a living is not important....when you find out who said it I'm pretty sure you will agree with that thought. I think he is saying when we have learned how to live. When we have learned what is important to us the learning of how to make that living a reality will come easier.

I need to relearn how to live. I need to learn how to live a life that is full, happy, contented and productive. How to live a life that of service and help to others. I need to figure out what is important to me. If I can't do that, if I haven't learned how to live, the making of a living is just a meaningless exercise in using up or hoarding $'s.

So who said the above of the richest men in the world.....Warren Buffett. A man who through his life and use the of his $'s has shown not only does he know how to make a living, but he truly does know how to live!