Tonight my favorite cutting board totally fell apart. Now that may not seem like a big deal, but it was. In fact, it was a gigantic deal.....one of those things that suddenly takes on immense importance and becomes the proverbial "straw that broke the camels back". That well loved and well used cutting board sitting on the kitchen counter in two pieces with one piece still in my hand became my life. I wanted to crumble to the floor in tears. Unfortunately I was in the middle of browning sausage and cutting bread for egg and sausage casserole and making caramel topping for caramel rolls so I didn't have that luxury and simple stirred, cut and buttered with the tears and sobs. I am tired of my marriage falling apart, I'm tired of my house falling apart, I'm tired of my sewing machine falling apart and I'm tired of my cutting board being in three pieces when I needed it. I'm just tired.
What scares me the most is that right now I'm tired of believing that God has a plan for my life, I'm tired of believing that my life will be better, I'm tired of looking for the good in all the falling apart around me. I'm tired of being strong when I just want to love and be loved. I want to turn back the clock or I want to turn it forward, but I don't want to be here now all alone in a quiet house making family favorites for a family that's fallen apart and though it exists its in pieces like my cutting board.