Thursday, August 26, 2010


Ah, the sun is up and well the sky is trying to be blue anyway......and it is a better morning.  Nights can be the worst!  Thanks to Paula for telling me that today would be a better day. I really did need to at least read if not hear someone say that to me.  I am going to do something for me this morning. Going to spend a few hours before work with some quilting buddies. I am so thankful for those who are a support and an encouragement to me right now.  I constantly need a kick in the pants to remind me that God is good!  That he is blessing me over and over even when I have a hard time seeing it.  I need to remember he has a plan even when I have a hard time believing it.  Somewhere in all this and somehow out of all this there will come peace and resolution for me and for others who are hurting.

There is so much pain and hurt in our world.  Does it have to be this way?  I honestly don't know but I do want to believe in the goodness of life. I want to believe people working together for a common good rather than being at odds with each other; distrusting and even worse being uncaring for each other.  Underneath all my issues and problems there is still a bit of a cockeyed optimist.

One of my favorite singers says it best.....enjoy

Wednesday, August 25, 2010


Someone please tell me tomorrow will be a better day!  I need to hear that becasue right now things look pretty bleak!  Ah yes, that roller coaster took a plunge tonight.


Well according to the Germantown edition of the Gazette it is not a good time to be in Germantown.....Lets see we have a possible rabid fox living in the sewer just two blocks from here. Also single older women are being raped in a senior citizen apartment complex just up the road.   Ah yes I love living in Germantown. 

I actually think I saw the animal in question last Friday when I was leaving our community around 6:30am for work.  I wasn't sure whether it was a sick fox or a coyote.  It was in the road as I approached the intersection in question and it ran into the storm drain as my car approached,  The scary thing is that on Sunday when I was coming home from the fair clean up there were four preteens or maybe young teens with cell phone cameras hanging around the storm drain as if they were trying to get something to come out so they could take a picture or something. 

So I live with rabid foxes and roaming rapists.....ah yes you got to love life in Germantown a sleepy little suburb of Washington DC....I will go lock my doors and windows now and am glad I don't have a dog which needs to be walked at night!  Thank you Gazette for keeping me informed and allowing me to sleep in peace at night!  

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

IT'S OVER.....

Yes the 2010 County Fair is over.  It was a good fair for me on many different levels.  The only area that it was not so good was as I said in previous post I had no one to share it with other than one evening with Nate and Lindsay.  I will not focus on that however.  I choose to focus on everything good about it. 

I did much better ribbon wise than I expected.  Only one of my items did not receive a ribbon of any sort.  One quilt only had a Honorable mention, but everything else had a placing ribbon.  Lots of blues which is always nice and affirming of ones work.  I am especially proud of my blue ribbon on one of my quilts (the one that went to Knoxville AQS show) since they had a nationally ranked quilt judge as one of the judges.

Another highlight of the week came Saturday night.  I had a phone message on Friday asking me to come to the Saturday awards ceremony for the Home Arts Building.  I had no idea what I was getting an award for and as the ceremony was winding down I began to think the message was left in error since I hadn't received anything.  I was shocked, surprised and very honored when I was named for the last award given.  The 2010 Homemaker of the Year!!!!  I am now an official "HOTY".  This is the highest award given in the building.  You can only receive it once aver 5 years or so.  It is given to the person who has the most blue ribbons across at least 6 different categories in the Home Arts Building.  My award was a dozen roses and an engraved Swiss Army Style knife. They made sure that it had a pair of scissors, a cork screw and bottle opener on it. They said every homemaker needs at least those three things.  There is so much stuff on it I don't even know what half of them are.  I will need to locate a boy scout and ask for a lesson on every things use.  It's a good thing this is a ribbon based award and not really based on ones home making skills. My house is rather in a state of disaster after a week of the fair.  Also I find it ironic I received this award in the year I no longer have anyone to make a home for.......

The best thing about this years fair though had nothing to do with exhibits or ribbons.  It was the people!  I loved talking with the youth of 4-H. They are amazing kids.  They are a bright light shining toward the future.  Even more important to me though was reconnecting with friends from past fairs.  The support and encouragement they gave me and the support and encouragement I was able to give some of them.  They affirmed me as a woman of worth and value.  Also I made new friends. Traditions like sharing in ice cream lunches and end of fair dinners continues this year.  It was all good! In retrospect I now see that though I didn't have anyone to come home to and share the events of the day with I had a large number of friends to share with each and every day.  It was wonderful to have people say that no matter what happened over the next 12 months they sincerely hoped to see me back at the fair in 2011 because I was a big part of making the week a good week. I truly am blessed.  I hope these memories stay with me to be relived when I am tempted to feel of no worth to anyone or all alone.

So my major summer event is over and now at least in my mind it is time to declare summer over and move on into fall. 

Saturday, August 21, 2010


It's the last day of the fair.  I always find this day involves a mix of emotion.

The first emotion is relief and a sense of survival.  Yes it is a fun week, but it is also a brutally tiring week.  The hours spent at the fair are long and then add in hours spent at work and there are an abundance of 18 hour days.  But it is so worth it.  I love working with the 4-Her's.  There are so many wonderful youth in the program and spending time listening to them demonstrate their knowledge on things that they love and watching them proudly display what they have worked on over the course of the year gives me hope that there will be a good future.  I also have loved catching up with friends that I only see during fair week.  Then of course there is the fair food......this year there is the new addition of Greek salads, gyro's and baklava from a new church food both down by the goat barn. Yum!  The Greek salads at dinner help offset the grilled cheese sandwiches and ice cream at lunch.  So far I have avoided the lure of funnel cakes.

The second emotion is a sadness which will descend around 8:00 tonight when I realize that there are only a few hours left to the 2010 County Fair and that I won't see these friends and have the fun times the fair brings for another year.  When the sun goes down and the lights come on the realization that it is almost over begins. This year I think could be especially sad because I  have no idea where I will be or what I might be doing come fair week 2011.  This could be the last year that I am this involved in the fair. 

I've been volunteering with the Montgomery County Fair for over 20 years now.  Wow!  That even amazes me.  I am within reach of  logging in 1000 hours of official volunteer service.  I say official because in actuality I am well over that mark.  The hours I put in being on the Ag Center Board of Directors for three years don't get recorded as official volunteer hours. Not sure why as they are volunteer time but they aren't or at least weren't when I was a board member.  Plus in the first few years volunteering all our family hours got recorded on Jerry's volunteer account.  If I don't officially hit the 1000 hour mark after tomorrows clean up I will only be a couple of hours short.  If that is the case I guess I will need to figure out a way to be here for at least part of the 2011 fair for sure!

Not only am I a volunteer at the fair I am also an exhibitor.  It  has been a good year for me as an exhibitor as well.  I enter items in both the Home Arts and the Arts and Crafts buildings.  I haven't made a formal count of my ribbons but I do know there are numerous blues (1st place), several reds (2nd place) and so on.  I think of the approximately 35 entries I put in only 3 or 4 did not receive a ribbon of some sort. Also I had a phone message yesterday from Home Arts asking me to be at their award ceremony tonight since one of the awards given had my name on it.  I don't have any clue what the award might be, but I guess I will find out at 7 tonight. 

Despite the long hours of this week I have had some time to do a bit of thinking and reflecting.  I now have a better understanding of why it is said to take at least 12 months to recover from a relationship that has ended. I think this is so because you must experience a full year of activities outside the parameters of the lost relationship.  Each holiday, special event, or reoccurring milestone over the course of the first year comes with memories of the past year.  It is natural to experience all over again the feelings of sadness and loss as you remember how it was the previous year.  There it is in your face once again the memory of how things used to be.  The things once shared that now are being done alone. Even if they were imperfectly shared, they were shared now you are doing them totally alone.  It takes going through the whole 12 month cycle to get past these memories.  Not that the memories of the good times, the shared times, will ever go away. After the first 12 month cycle, however, as you go into the next cycle of reoccurring events those memories are buffered by the first year of doing them alone.

So enough introspection for one day.  It is time to get on with the days activities and experiencing the fullness of the last day of the 2010 Montgomery County Fair! 

Thursday, August 12, 2010


Yes  once again it is county fair time.  I love the fair.  I don;t exactly know why.  Maybe the colors and the constant activity feed my ADD.  Maybe it is the people and friends I have made at the fair.  They are not obsessed or very impressed by power, prestige and wealth.  They value family and friends.  Maybe it is just that it is a time when I feel connected to creativity and a valuing of handcrafts and cooking.  I really don't know what draws me to the fair, but it is a week I revel in. 

This year there is a bitter sweet aspect to the fair.  There are a lot of people I only see t fair time.  People that know me as part of a family and part of a  couple. When they inquire about the kids I have an answer; other questions I don't have a ready answer for.  This takes a bit of fun out of the fair.  I will not let it ruin this coming week!

It's possible this will be my last fair so I will make the most of it. I have entered my projects.  Yes, I hope they do well in the judging compitition, ut if they don't that;s ok also.  It's just fun having them as part of the fair.  I am still working with 4-H.  I've already put in 8 hours yesterday and Saturday will be the real fun; baked goods!  Oh I remeber the days of a kitchen gone mad preparing 4-H baked goods entries.  At least now when I come home on Saturday night my kitchen will be clean.  I kind of miss the mess of that last minute baking spree though.

Sunday will be the opening of the buildings.  Then I can see how my entries did do.  Then there will be the parade and the cake auction.  I don;t plan to purchase any cakes. They will be well beyond my budget, but it is fun watching the kids proudly carry their blue ribbon cakes around the ring as the bids climb...$100....$200..$500 and sometimes even $1000. 

Next week on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday I will have the privledge of listening to 4-H present demonstrations on topics ranging from crafts and cooking to science and technology.  I always leave with hope that there is a new generation that will safely take us into the future. Values still do exisit in America and there is hope for our future.  It can be found at the Montgomery County Fair and I'm sure at county and state fairs around the country.

Yes it will be a bittersweet week, but it will be a great week.  My only wi sh isthat when I came home at night I had someone to share the events of the day with and that it would be someone that could share in my love and enjoyment of the Montgomery County Fair!

Sunday, August 08, 2010


According to there are 7 different uses for the adjective RESPONSIBLE. I've been thinking a lot about this word recently.  Why?  Not necessarily for a good reason.  Frankly I'm experiencing moments lately when I am just plain tired of being responsible.  So, of the 7 definitions which is the one that I am struggling with. Its number 4: having the capacity for moral decisions and therefore accountable; capable of  rational thought or action.

I was talking with a friend at church this morning and sharing that I wished I wasn't such a responsible person.  I really wanted to do something totally irrational and irresponsible today, but knew I wouldn't.  Why wouldn't I?  Because I'm too darn responsible and know that as much as I want to do something like get totally wasted (IE: drunk) so I could for a moment forget about my life doing so would not solve anything and would only make me feel even worse afterward.  I think about just packing up and leaving MD (IE: run away), and making a new start and a new life where no one knows what my life used to be.  But how would I support myself?  My jobs are here.  Where would I live?  My house is here. As much as I want to do this I won't. I know at this point I would probably only take my problems with me. Once again I think too responsibly.  I can't even bring myself to run over to AAA and book a cruise to Bermuda or a week at Disney World.  How would I pay for it and I really can't afford to take more time off work.  ACK!!!!!  I really am sick of being responsible........but that's who I am.

As much as I want to can't take actions that I haven't thought through and know that they will have positive consequences all around.  Is this bad?  Are there times in our life where a bit of irresponsibility is well, not being irresponsible?  I honestly don't know.  All I do know is that for the moment I am stuck with continuing to be responsible.  So for now I will have a small snifter of brandy to take the edge off my ragged emotions, I will work on dealing with my life as it now stands here in MD and I will continue to put aside as much money as I  can so when I do go to Bermuda or WDW it will be paid for in advance.

Friday, August 06, 2010


I finally got around to reading my July/August issue of my AARP Mgazine.  In it there wasa one page article on Six Word Memoirs.  These short statements on self and life were quite interesting.  The ones in the magazine were themed around Cheating Death. That topic didn't particularly appeal to me, but just for fun I thought I would  come up with my own Six Word Memoir.

All alone. Making peace. New life!

So what would your Six Word Memoir be?  For more information on the Six Word Memoir project do a google search or click on the words Six Word Memoir.

Thursday, August 05, 2010


If you could make one suggestion to God on something for him to do what would it be?  Now I know it would be presumptuous to even think we could make suggestions to God on how to improve things.  After all he is God and he knows all, but just humor me.  What would you suggest to him that he might do?  A change he might make in the order of the universe or a natural law he might implement at your suggestion.

I thought a lot about that this morning and here is what I came up with.  I think it would be nice if he decreed that people who have teeny tiny veins could never get diseases that require constant blood tests and treatments that require medicines delivered by a needle stuck into a vein.  This thought first occurred to me Tuesday after being poked in four different places before a vein that would give up the needed amount of blood for tests was found.  I contemplated the thought again in the evening as I gazed on the two inch bruise on my lower arm from one of the fruitless pokes.  I can't seem to get my doctor to give me a pass on blood work every three months due her wanting to know if my liver is still working despite the nasty meds I'm on so I can move.  I guess I can see her point.  I do want to move pain free, but if I do so and my liver fails well whats the point?????

This morning I really began to focus in on the suggestion I would like to make to God.  It was time for my Remicaid treatment.  The main med I take to keep me moving.  It truly is a wonder drug!  It is a treatment many folks take for RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis).  I hate to think what my life would be like without this drug. Actually I do know, because before I went onto the drug I was there.  I could not even get out of a chair without excruciating pain.  I went into the treatment room positive I had done everything I could do to make the treatment go smoothly.  I drank lots of water yesterday to "plump up" my veins.  I shook my arms the whole time I waited for the nurse to come get me to get the blood moving.  (Good thing the waiting room was empty or people would have thought I had a really strange tick of some sort.) I had prayed that things go well and for the nurse to be skilled at getting me hooked up to my meds.  I felt relaxed, well as relaxed as I ever am after driving in rush hour traffic on I-270 and when I know I am facing a two hour stint hooked up to a IV bag with a needle in my arm or hand.

Alas all my prep work did not work......after three unsuccessful attempts at finding a "good" vein the nurse said he couldn't keep trying without asking my permission.  Of course I gave it to him.  I badly wanted and needed my meds.  Already I was finding it harder to get out of bed in the mornings and my hands were showing signs of premed pain.  After three more unsuccessful attempts both he and I were struggling to not dissolve into tears.  He kept apologizing for hurting me and I kept telling him it was not his fault it was my crummy veins.  I told him I trusted him and as long as he felt there was a hope of finding a good vein he could keep going.  At least it wasn't like he was just jabbing me over and over.  Between pretty much each attempt we had to stop and rest for 5 to 10 minutes for my blood pressure to come up to the point where I wasn't going to faint.  (Normally I like having low blood pressure but in this instance it is not a good thing.) I felt so bad for him because he was feeling so bad about not being able to get a good vein.  I think he was hurting as much as I was.  Anyway just as he was going to give up and suggest that maybe I just wouldn't get my med fix today and on the 8th attempt he found a vein.  YEA!  I got my meds which I am very grateful for.

So back to my suggestion to God.  I really think it would be nice is he were to set up a cosmic rule, or a natural law or what ever you want to call it that states:  A person may have teeny tiny bad veins or they may have a disease which requires constant blood tests and medication given intravenously, but they can not have both!  If this law existed at least two people would have had a much nicer day today!

Wednesday, August 04, 2010


Have I mentioned recently that I am developing a severe hate of computers and technology????
I thought so!  $)%*%*@%&)$^%)&^)P*

Internet is back up at church so I could move to do bookkeeping back there again, but am nervous about doing so at this point, but my laptop is starting to do weird things that are making me real nervous about it's reliability.  So being a good computer person tonight I decide it would be a good thing to do a back up of all my files....well one of the weird things it has decided to do is not recognize my external hard drive in the back up program.....yet if I go to My Computer it shows that my laptop knows the external drive is connected to it......what to do???  I haven't a clue!!!!!

I guess I'll just pray! Is God a computer geek????  He is all I have at this point.

Now that I have totally worked myself into a lather I will go and try to get a good nights sleep!  HaHa!!!!

Monday, August 02, 2010


Seems like every time I get on Facebook or open my e-mail I read about someone moving.  So many people are on moving on. They are setting up homes in a new locations.  Most are due to retirement.  Some are due to job changes. One even just desided it was time to get out of this area and try for a better life elsewhere since things just were not good here. 

Mary and Wayne moved to FL and Pam and Allen hope to follow suit by the end of the year.  Cathy just emailed that she found, put a contract on and had the contract accepted on a new home in TX all in one weeks time.  Chuck and Miki are just picking up and heading to Charleston with the jobs and no home await them....that's how bad things can get here.  Nancy gave up life in Potomac and headed to Bethany Beach and I don't mean just for the summer.  And this doesn't even count those friends that already have moved with-in the past year.  Yes there is a part of me that is envious of them.  For what ever reason they have determined it was time for a new start; a new beginning to a new chapter in their lives.  I'm not sure which I am more envious of them for.  The excitement that comes with new beginnings or the courage to take the steps needed to create a new beginning. 

Sunday, August 01, 2010


No I am not starting some sort of test before having something new go live.  BETA Crew is a fledgling non-profit organization started by a wonderful group of three young adults; two of whom I have the privilege of knowing.  BETA stands for Bring End To Alzheimer. 

Friday evening I drove with a friend over to Ellicott City for a fund raiser for BETA.  It was a wonderful evening.  It was held above a pub called Phoenix Emporium and there was live entertainment and this entertainment was a thrill as well.

All three co-founders are young adults. I have known Leslie, one of the three and the President of the organization since......well shall I just say she was barely "knee high to a grasshopper".  She and my daughter attended preschool together. I can't say enough good about Leslie.  I am so glad that we have been able to re-establish a friendship on a new adult level.  (Now if I could just get her to stop calling me Mrs. Brown and use Suzanne.)  Leslie has a heart for helping people.  I truely am proud to know her.

I would try and explain more about BETA Crew and their mission, but I think they can do a better job of that themselves so if you are interested there is a link at the top of this post and also if you click on their Logo to the left you will be taken to the BETA Crew we site.

Remember, my saying the entertainment for the evening was a thrill as well.  That's becasue it was provided by Alexandra Day.   Alex was a childhood friend of my oldest son.  She is an incredibly talented singer and keyboard player.  Much of what she played were her original songs.

I hope to find ways to participate with BETA Crew.  I do have a t-shirt, but as many of their activities will be revolving around athletic activities I think I will take a supporting role.  I don't think that 60 is the time to begin running marathons or going on whitewater rafting trips.  So I am working on spreading the word about them. Speaking of marathons.  The three of them are running the Chicago Marathon in October.  I told Leslie it was too bad I didn't have some spare travel money lying around or I would head up to Chicago an cheer them on since I also have a brother-in-law who will be running there and it would be great to see him as well.  But I will be content with cheering them all on from my computer and the internet!