According to Dictionary.com there are 7 different uses for the adjective RESPONSIBLE. I've been thinking a lot about this word recently. Why? Not necessarily for a good reason. Frankly I'm experiencing moments lately when I am just plain tired of being responsible. So, of the 7 definitions which is the one that I am struggling with. Its number 4: having the capacity for moral decisions and therefore accountable; capable of rational thought or action.
I was talking with a friend at church this morning and sharing that I wished I wasn't such a responsible person. I really wanted to do something totally irrational and irresponsible today, but knew I wouldn't. Why wouldn't I? Because I'm too darn responsible and know that as much as I want to do something like get totally wasted (IE: drunk) so I could for a moment forget about my life doing so would not solve anything and would only make me feel even worse afterward. I think about just packing up and leaving MD (IE: run away), and making a new start and a new life where no one knows what my life used to be. But how would I support myself? My jobs are here. Where would I live? My house is here. As much as I want to do this I won't. I know at this point I would probably only take my problems with me. Once again I think too responsibly. I can't even bring myself to run over to AAA and book a cruise to Bermuda or a week at Disney World. How would I pay for it and I really can't afford to take more time off work. ACK!!!!! I really am sick of being responsible........but that's who I am.
As much as I want to can't take actions that I haven't thought through and know that they will have positive consequences all around. Is this bad? Are there times in our life where a bit of irresponsibility is well, not being irresponsible? I honestly don't know. All I do know is that for the moment I am stuck with continuing to be responsible. So for now I will have a small snifter of brandy to take the edge off my ragged emotions, I will work on dealing with my life as it now stands here in MD and I will continue to put aside as much money as I can so when I do go to Bermuda or WDW it will be paid for in advance.