Sunday, May 30, 2010


What does one do when living alone....other than work that is?

Being a holiday weekend and the first 3 day stretch I have without needing to work outside the home I am discovering the answer to this
  • Clean house
  • Read
  • Watch movies
  • Clean house........
Exciting life huh?????

Friday, May 28, 2010


I just finished reading a short book by Nora Ephron called I Feel Bad About My Neck. This is a fun book for women at "that" stage of life. That meaning 55+. Lots of chuckles came out while reading it as well as a few sighs..... Toward the end of the book Nora lists a number of questions she says she "noodles over". Interesting that many of these questions are ones I too have "noodled" over. Not sure I have any more answers to them than she does.....but they continue to wander around my mind.

Nora's ponderings that intersect mine are:
  • Do you splurge or do you hoard?
  • Do you live every day as if it's your last, or do you save money in the chance you'll live 20+ more years?
  • Is life too short, or is it going to be too long?
  • Do you work as hard as you can, or do you slow down to smell the roses?
I have a few of my own:
  • Does one ever deserve to make their dreams come true or is making your dreams come true being selfish and possibly irresponsible?
  • Can one be true to self and still love and be loved or in order to love and be loved must you always put others desires first and putting self second?
  • How much is too much?
  • How little is too little?
  • Are you who you think you are or who others think you are.....or are you someone no one knows or understands, other than God and he's not telling.......?????
Yes life is full of questions that if I'm not careful will cause not only my head to swim and spin, but answers that differ depending on the day.....yes total confusion!
I think waking up to words is much easier to deal with.

Thursday, May 27, 2010


I don't know why but lately it seems as if I wake up in the morning with a word on my mind. IT was that way with "regret" as well as "illusion" and this morning at 5:30am it was "courage". I don't know why this is happening, but it does give me something to think about during the day.

As is usual I start with a basic definition: The quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc. without fear; bravery. OK nothing unexpected there.

Then I move on to some quotes concerning courage. My favorite web site for quotes has become So what do I find there that speaks to me.....well one actually relates back to one of my quotes on regret. Sven Goran Eriksson said " The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure." This quote doesn't mention courage per sea, but acting out of fear of failure is I think the opposite of acting out of courage. Also not explicitly mentioning the word courage, Roseanne Cash said. "The key to change is to let go of fear." Letting go and overcoming fear seems to be the secret of gaining courage.

This brings back to mind the Upper Rooms Daily Reflection from last Saturday. It spoke on fear; what it does to us and what God says about it in our lives. Here was its thought taken from Norman Shawchuck's book A Guide to Prayer for All Who Seek God. "Fear kills a mind and soul by slowly obliterating the visions we hold for our lives. That we should not fall prey to fear is a constant theme in the scriptures. God does not want us to Succumb to the chilling and killing aspects of fear; God encourages people not to be afraid of the circumstances in which they find themselves. It seems that one of God's favorite themes is 'Do not be afraid' or 'Do not fear.' Perhaps God repeats this theme so often because we so often fear circumstances that confront us in our lives and ministries."

So it would seem the key to gaining courage is to conquer our fear. How do we conquer fear? A major way to to trust in the Lord. One of the final things John records Jesus as saying during the last supper prior to his betrayal was "In the world you face persecution. But take courage; I have conquered the world!" John 16:33b. Matthew ends his gospel with Jesus promise "And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age." Matthew 28:20b.

There was one final quote that struck me as I read about courage. It was an anonymous one. "It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel."

Courage; casting out fear really is the important thing to gain that elusive trait named courage! Courage can be a scary commodity, but only if it is fear that rules my life. Just how courageous am I willing to be????

Sunday, May 23, 2010


"Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future"
~~~Fulton Oursler

"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."
~~~Alexander Graham Bell

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


This morning as I was waking up I found myself thinking of what a difference one small year can make in a persons and a families life. May 2009 to May 2010 was definitely not a static year by any means. It was a year full of joys, excitement, sadness, regrets, and surprises on many fronts. Never in my wildest imagination on May 18, 2009 would I have thought I would be where I am today May 18, 2010. I guess some years are like that. Others pass by almost unnoticed with little change, though as I get older there seem to be fewer of those.

One year ago today there were two rather significant things occurring. One was very exciting; Jerry and I had pretty much finished the planning and were anticipating leaving in 4 days for a dream vacation (at least for me it was) a two week trip to Alaska. The first week on the Radiance of the Seas a beautiful RCI ship the second on a land tour visiting parts of interior Alaska including Denali National Park. That was the good and exciting thing of last year at this time. The other that came to my mind was that last year at this time I could barely move, and what movement I did have was accompanied by a great deal of pain. After a 20 year remission my RA had decided to make itself known once again.

So what's the difference this year? Well the positive and good thing is with the help of pharmaceuticals I can move again. Now pretty much pain free with just some morning stiffness on random days. That in and of itself give the last year a positive tilt. As for travel plans there is not so much of a positive outcome. There will be no grand trip this year. At best there will be a small trip here and there and only I will be involved with them. I don't so much mind the absence of a grand trip. Those can't be done every year, for one thing if they happened every year they would lose their grandness and just become another trip, but for me travel is something to be shared with another person. It's the sharing in the excitement of planning and the sharing of the trip that makes it fun and adventurous. Traveling alone has never really appealed to me in fact I find it a rather sad and lonely experience.

It is another life change from the past year that has brought about my travel planning to now being on my own. A year ago I was sharing my life with my life partner. Today I am sharing my life with no one. Oh there are other family members and many friends, but that is not the same. They all have their own lives. When you are married it's like your life together is a circle and you are two dots inside that circle. Your circle can rest up against the circles of your friends and other family members , but it only rests on the edge of their circle it doesn't enter into it because they have their own circle of life that takes priority, which is the way it should be, When you are alone. There is no one in your circle anymore and the best you can do is rest up against the lives of others, but you are not together with anyone. Not sure if that makes any sense to any one but me, but I know what I mean and am feeling. I guess this relationship loss is the area where many regrets come in, but regrets serve no purpose so I will work to make a new life with what God grants me on a daily basis. Do I know where I will be in another year--no. I Don't know where I will be in May of 2011 anymore than I knew where I would be now in May 2009.

There still were more big changes from 2009 to 2010. Job changes occurred. There was the lose of a job held for 11 years and the picking up of two new jobs. More hours and less pay, but overall I guess though unexpected as of May 2009 this was an okay change. I do enjoy my two new jobs though they are more tiring, but also less stressful.

The best unexpected change from 2009 to 2010 is I have a new daughter-in-law. A year ago to the best of my knowledge Nate wasn't even dating! Now he has wonderful new wife! Isn't she beautiful? And her whole being is just as beautiful. Now don't get me wrong, Nate is just as handsome as Lindsay is beautiful. Together they make a wonderful couple and I pray that with God by there side they will never have any regrets and that they will grow in their love.

So exciting trips that are no more, job changes, separation and aloneness, new family members.....yes lots of changes occurred in the past 12 months. Life does not stand still, but I am ready for a calmer quieter season. I'm not sure that will happen any more than I am sure where I will be come May 2011. I have often heard that the only thing guaranteed in our life is change. I guess that is true. I've also heard that the only true failure in life is a risk not taken. I'm not one that embraces risk well, but maybe I need to learn to do that more. Can you teach old dogs new tricks????

Oh, I almost forgot. The title of this rather long ponderous BLOG entry indicated an hour can make a change also; and it has. After pondering all the above while lying in bed during the early morning hours and I admit getting a little melancholy I got up and as I usually do checked my morning e-mail while eating breakfast. Maybe there is an exciting trip in my future come July. One of my e-mails informed me that my quilt, Good Things Come in Small Boxes, has been accepted to be part of the American Quilt Society show in Knoxville, TN. It probably will be a trip I will take on my own, but I will have a quilt to go visit while on it. This could be exciting............anyone want to go to Knoxville??????

Monday, May 03, 2010


We did it!

We may have failed at somethings but one thing we did not fail at was raising 3 wonderful children and now we have a beautiful new daughter, Lindsay. Welcome to our family. You are already loved by all, but most of all by Nate! Best wishes for a life together with God by your side!