UPS & DOWNS

For several years now I have felt that I have been on a roller coaster emotionally.  I thought and hoped that given time and the finalization of  the change from being a married woman to being a single divorced woman the roller coaster ride would calm down. Obviously that has not happened yet. I still don't know what my emotional state will be on any given day.

Thankfully I have days that are wonderful and I see the possibilities of my new status in life.  I live in the moment and cherish each moment. I get excited on those days and enjoy dreaming of my future. Then the next day I wake up and all the day is made up of challenges that I just can't seem to surmount. I feel alone in the world and there seems no resolution to anything.

Where am I today...I'm okay....For the most part I can say life is good. I have some things to look forward to coming up.  I'm trying not to dwell on the future, but live in the present one day at a time. I am grateful I am basically healthy. I am grateful I have made some very good friends here in FL. I am grateful that for the next few months I have a nice place to call home.

There are things I wish I could change about my life and maybe one day they will change.  Some day the challenges I'm facing will end, but I guess I have to be honest; they probably will be replaced by new ones. So I guess I will forget about the roller coaster ride ever ending and will make the most of it. Maybe even I can find some excitement in the ride.

BEHIND THE 8 BALL

I know that "behind the 8 ball" is just a cliche.  At the moment when I look back on my life is seems that often I have lived my life just "behind the 8 ball". What do I mean by that? Many things in life seem to have a bell curve associated with them.  Say for example a craft group (since I am involved a lot with craft groups). In the beginning of the groups existence things are exciting and great. People are really involved, things happen and in general all is well. Then after time the group seems to peak.Maybe people get tired of it, maybe they get tired of running things or maybe they just have done everything within that craft and are ready to move on to something new. What ever the cause the group and its activities and excitement begin to wain and it begins to move down from the peak.  I look back at many things I have joined across the years and I seem to have a history of joining groups just before they peak and begin their downward slide. I'm behind the 8 ball.
 
Economically I feel I am living behind the 8 ball as well. I need somewhere to live come the end of the year. I've wanted to purchase a home for some time now, but due to circumstances which are pretty much beyond my control the bank will not give me a mortgage. While I wait to meet their qualifying factors I try to do everything I can to improve my chances. I've worked to get a FICO score that is in the upper range of excellent.  I've put aside money for a large down payment. I've tried every thing I can to get a job to no avail. The one thing I admit I haven't done is claim my social security early.  I will do that if pushed up against the wall to generate income. I don't need the SSI to live on now and would prefer to wait till I do need it in 3 years and get more as I will need everything I can get then. Unfortunately I may need the lower SSI now for the bank to issue me a mortgage. This brings to mind another cliche....I'm in that proverbial CATCH-22! Anyway while I wait to get that blasted mortgage approval I'm watching housing prices which have been low for over 5 years climb and I'm watching the mortgage interest rates go up even faster.  See.....once again I am behindthe 8 ball in life.

I'm trying to be patient and philosophical about all this.  I even try to find humor in it.  I'm working really had to trust that God has a plan in all this that I just don't see yet. I do admit though I am not good with patience and I have days where it is difficult to find the humor in not knowing where I will be living come November. So what I am left with is my trust and faith that God will somehow straighten out this mess my life currently seems to be in and that he does have a plan. Every day I pray "thy will be done....but God you know some resolution to my personal looming housing crisis would be nice.

Maybe the humor here is God know best and he knows I can't handle owning a home on my own so he's just not going to let me get one.........
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