It's hard to believe that another year has gone by. Once again it is December and people are well into the planning of their Christmas holiday celebrations. I always loved the Christmas season and I certainly know the real reason for celebrating at this time of year, the birth of our Savior. This Christmas however I am finding I just want it all to go away. I don't want Christmas cards or Christmas carols. I am not interested in Christmas parties or even Christmas presents. Yes this year I am Scrooge himself reincarnate.
Christmases are for families and my family is forever fractured. Never again will there be a Brown family Christmas as there was for over 35 years. How do others adjust to this type of change? I certainly know that I am not the first nor will I be the last to face these holiday adjustments. Families are fractured for all sorts of reasons and others seem to accept, adjust, and move on. I just don't know how they do it. Today a friend who just lost her husband to death said they were told in her grief group that the third year was the hardest. If that is so and the same is true for separation and divorce maybe next year I will be able to face the holidays again. But this year I just want them to go away!
Bring on January! I've had enough of December.
(I really do hope tomorrow I wake up in a better place. I don't like feeling this way, but I've tried to fight the feelings and that was just making them worse so I decided to just go with the force of them and then move on.)