Psalm 62: 5-6

"For God alone my soul waits in silence for my hope is from him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken." 

~~Psalm 62:5-6

I can not honestly say that I have reached the point in my faith journey where I can not be shaken.  I wish I could, but that would be hiding from reality.  Last night and this morning I have to accept the fact that I have been once again shaken to my core.  I wait and I place my hope in God, but I do so, I think, not so much that I trust him, but out of the sense there is no where else to go.  At the moment nothing makes sense to me.  There is too much pain not only in my life but in the lives of so many friends.  There is so much uncertainty.  There is so much despair that never seems to end.  Even when you think it has it simply comes back in another form.  Today I will live with this verse.  I will try my best to carry it with me through the activities of the day.  I will work to make it my own: to get to the place where I can declare with confidence that God alone is my rock and my salvation; I shall not be shaken!

From my morning devotional once again....

"The deepest comfort in our mourning is to know that God not only has compassion but actually feels our suffering with us." 

~~Flora Slosson Weullner from her book Forgiveness, the Passionate Journey

I have thought and wondered about this concept often in the last year.  The idea that God might actually feel my suffering with me.  I know and fully accept that he knows my suffering, but the understanding and acceptance that he "feels" my suffering along with me is harder for me.

As I understand it one of the purposes of  God sending his Son, a apart of himself, to earth was so that we would have a means by which we could learn and know the nature of God.  As humans we struggle to know God, if for no other  reason than he is God and we are human.  Jesus came and dwelt among us and he was BOTH God and human. God allowed himself to take on the traits of and experience being human.  I'm not so sure that is any easier for me to understand than the nature of God, but I accept it on faith and I look to Jesus to learn about God.

Jesus, from what I read in my Bible experienced every emotion that I have felt.  He cried; he experienced others wanting him to become something he wasn't; he felt pain; he had the need to pull apart for times alone; he felt impatience; he felt sadness; he felt rejection.  The list can go on, but this morning while meditating on this devotion this last item struck me.  Jesus felt rejection! 

Yes, God knows what I am feeling.  He can and does feel my suffering.  Does this make my suffering any less?  No not really, but I think it does make it a little easier to bear and is does make it a little less scary.  Most importantly it does make me feel a little less alone.

The introductory thought from this mornings devotion, also from the same book and author was...

"Pain and sorrow are never wasted when given into God's hands, and their transformation is far beyond our imaginings."

I look forward to that transformation. I get glimpses of it now and then but we humans have, or at least this human has, a hard time putting things into God's hands and leaving them there.  It seems that not only do I need to continue to work on seeking and understanding of God's nature, but I also need to work on fully and totally trusting him with my life and my future.  I try to do both daily.

TWO THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY!

It's not even 10 am (okay for some people I know that is late, but I am a night owl not a morning person) an I already have been given two thoughts to mull over as the day progresses.  Of course from my devotional readings......

"Even to your old age I am he, even when you turn gray I will carry you. I have made ,and I will bear; I will carry and will save." 

   ~~Isaiah 46:4    

Nice to be reminded that God will be with me by my side even as I grow old.  Can't comment on the gray as I already am that.  I try not to think of myself already as old, but I remember going to my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary when I was around 22 and had been only married a year and thinking.  'WOW....there is no way I can make that and they are so vital even though they are so old!  They were probably only in their late 60's and while I was right I will not see my 50th anniversary I'm getting  close to that age!  Where did all those years go?????

The second thought is:

"I often imagine that life would be like if I hadn't made so many mistakes. But then I imagine what my life would be like if I overcame the guilt and moved on.  Maybe I could be stronger than ever."

                ~~Nakia Gater

This was taken from a devotion written for teens, but it certainly is a thought I need to embrace and probably most of use would do well to ponder.  Guilt over the past serves no purpose but dragging down our future.  God did not create us for guilt. I believe guilt is a man made concept.  I think it is one developed by those who want to keep control over the people they continually remind of their failing. We learn guilt at an early age and it becomes part of us. 

So with God's help I plan on overcoming the guilt that has been heaped on me an I have allowed at times take over my life.  The past is past.  I can learn from it but I can not change it.  It is what it is and I need to look forward to today and what my future can be. When it comes to guilt I can become my own worst enemy!  No more.

                                                 

BLIND QUILTER

This woman is amazing and what an inspiration!
I had to share this here so when I get down or I am tempted to think there is nothing that I can do to make a difference I knew where to come to see that everyone can make a difference and limitations we face are of our own making.  WOW!  What an amazing woman and what an amazing God!

WHO AM I?

We all wear masks in our lives.  I think that is just part of being human.  Especially being human in the 20th and 21st centuries.  Everywhere we turn the media, bosses, friends and yes even family are putting expectations on us that force us to put in a mask and be even for a moment or a season what we are not.  Sometimes we take these masks off after the season is past.  Other times they stay in place and we start to believe that this is who we really are.  Rarely I think are we totally comfortable under the mask, but taking it off becomes to risky.

Today is my first day back in MD after a wonderful 2 1/2 week trip.  During that time I experienced for the first time in many many years, 5 days of being in a situation where no one knew me.  I was a total stranger to all.  I tried to be who I was minus any masks.  Alas I discovered even I didn't know who I really was any longer.  Thoughts would come to mind as I watched the sunset or listened to music that I tried to understand if they were mine or that of a hidden person or event from my subconscious telling me "this is how you are supposed to think to be accepted and to be a "good person".  I think it will take considerably longer than 5 days to uncover who I am under the various masks I wear. 

In thinking about all this I uncovered a quote from e.e. cummings that says a lot:

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."  

The book I found this quote in says he was 63 when he wrote it.  So if he was discovering this at that age I guess it is not too late for me to discover it.  Today I begin and exploration using various means into rediscovery of ME.  It may sound selfish, but how can I know where to head in the rest of my life if I don't know who I am.  Probably should have done this years ago, however I was too busy putting on the masks of life to figure it all out.  Wouldn't it be wonderful if I found out I wore no masks at all but really was true to myself and how God made me, but you know I doubt that will be the case. 

One encouraging thought is that wearing masks and trying to please people did not work.  It did not place me in the life position where I wanted to be at this point.