MEDITATION I NEED TO PRACTICE

This morning as is my usual practice I went to my e-mail and first read the Upper Room Reflection for the day.  Often this short devotion seems aimed directly at me and my needs.  Today was a case of this.  The devotion reminded me of a bible verse I have posted on my refrigerator and that I have been trying to live by since 1998 when I began to work of our church and things where in a struggle there.  I began praying it and claiming in as a verse for the church.  Over time I claimed it as my own.  The verse is Jeremiah 29:11.  It is highlighted in my bible. Probably I have written about in in past posts on this BLOG.

"For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope."

This is where my refrigerator magnet ends.  But as I read it today I realize that I need to go on to verse 12-14.

"Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you.  When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me, says the Lord,  and I will restore your fortunes and gather you up from all the nations, and all the places where I have driven you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you in exile."

Jeremiah is speaking in these verses to the Israelite people who have been taken out of Jerusalem and into captivity by the Babylonians I believe,  He is giving them hope that they have not been abandoned by their God.  That God indeed does have a plan for them and it is a plan for their good.  Jeremiah is also calling the people back to God.  Calling them to turn to God and seek him.  I believe God does no less for his people today.  That he does no less for me.  The Israelite people felt abandoned by their God.  Yes, I at times also feel abandoned.  Yet God does not; he can not abandon his people or me.  I need to remember this no matter how dark my nights get.  I need to remember Jeremiah 29:11 it daily.  I need to not just walk by as it sits on my refrigerator.

Ah....but what does all this have to do with the title of this post. Not really anything.  My ADD kicked in and I got sidetracked from where I began.  At the bottom of the daily reflections devotion are a series of weekly suggestions for other helps in daily living with faith and God.  Among the helps this week was a link to an article on Meditation for Distress, Disease or Pain by Robert Corin Morris. Having a lot of all three of these things in my life at the moment it caught my attention.  I read it thought maybe this is something that could help me get through the coming days and months.  I don't want to forget where it is so the best place to put it is here.  The title of the BLOG post has a link to the article as does it's mention here.  So hopefully I will remember it is here when I need it!

Psalm 62: 5-6

"For God alone my soul waits in silence for my hope is from him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken." 

~~Psalm 62:5-6

I can not honestly say that I have reached the point in my faith journey where I can not be shaken.  I wish I could, but that would be hiding from reality.  Last night and this morning I have to accept the fact that I have been once again shaken to my core.  I wait and I place my hope in God, but I do so, I think, not so much that I trust him, but out of the sense there is no where else to go.  At the moment nothing makes sense to me.  There is too much pain not only in my life but in the lives of so many friends.  There is so much uncertainty.  There is so much despair that never seems to end.  Even when you think it has it simply comes back in another form.  Today I will live with this verse.  I will try my best to carry it with me through the activities of the day.  I will work to make it my own: to get to the place where I can declare with confidence that God alone is my rock and my salvation; I shall not be shaken!

SEPTEMBER

I can hardly believe that it is already September. (In fact it has been so now for 5 days.) Another season, summer, is gone.  That means it is now fall.  That means another winter is not far behind.  That means another year will have passed.  I guess this is good.  It means another new beginning is waiting in the wings..  But in reality I don't need to wait till January for a new beginning do I.  I can start today.  I can start fresh each day if I so choose. 

This morning I had a strong sense of watching a new day be born.  I'm not sure why I felt this so strongly this morning. Maybe it is partly because it is September and now fall. The sun suddenly doesn't rise as early as in August. I was up at 6:45 this morning and the moon was out and it was still very dark.  So for the first time in many months I watched a new day be born.  A beginning of a new day.

So what will this new day be.  I know what it will be for some others.  For Jon and Taylor it will be the day they begin their new life together as husband and wife.  For Malory it will be the day she heads off to begin and new job on a new continent.  But what will this new day be for me?  I don't yet know.  According to one of the scriptures I read from today's lectionary though I don't yet know God does.  In fact the reading tells me he knows all my days. Psalm 139: 16.  "In your [God's] book are written all the days that were formed for me.when none of them as yet existed."  What does he know about my future?  If  I could know my future would I truly want to?  I think some things yes, other things probably not.  Its probably better that only God knows and I discover it as it unfolds. So as the world, at least the world here in Austin, TX, wakens I will wait with anticipation to see what today's new beginning will be for me.

Yes, it is a new season.  It is now September. It is now fall.  I will endeavor to make the most of each day as it arrives and if I stumble or fall along the way I pray, with God and the help of family and friends, I can pick myself up and begin again to move forward to the future God has written for me.

Post Script:  Just went and read this mornings  Upper Room devotion.  The last line was: "...no matter where we begin, if we allow God to form us and mold us, we can make a difference in the world for God." 

TIME FOR SOME GRATITUDE!

In the business and craziness of life it is easy to forget to be grateful for the many blessings in my life.  Human nature, at least my human nature, seems to want to focus more on what I lack than what I have been blessed with. Daily I nee to remember something I recently read that was said by Helen Keller:

" So much has been given to me, I have no time to ponder over what has been denied." 

If anyone had reason to be bitter about life and what had been taken from her it was Helen Keller; blind and deaf from a illness in infancy.Yet, in time she saw her life as full and blessed beyond measure.

So this morning I am taking time to look aback on the blessings I have received in the last day or so.......

1. The streak of hot humid weather has been broken and the days are beautiful
2. The temperatures at night are back low enough that I can open the window as sleep with fresh air
3. I have four jobs that provide me with needed income and yet allow me the flexibility to take time off when I need some R&R to regain my sanity.
4. I have three wonderful loving children who have grown into beautiful and responsible adults and a fantastic new daughter (not doing the in-law stuff I love her as my own).
5. I got to have dinner with Nate, Lindsay, Steve and Lena last night AND make a spur of the moment trip to Jimmy Cone with them all.  Lots of love and laughter.
6. I have a house for shelter and will make it a home for me.
7. I have a beautiful new sewing machine that I did not have to pay for with credit....it's all mine!
8. I have been granted the ability to make beautiful quilts and cards.
9. Despite all the stress in my life the past few months I can still move without pain (most days) and  have not had a flair up of my RA.
10. And last but certainly not least I have a God who loves and cares for me and my future. Though I don't know what that future will totally look like he does and he will be with me at all times as I move toward it!  

 "Glory be to God! By his mighty power at work within us, he is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope."~~Ephesians 3:20

RELEVANT AND NEEDED MORNING DEVOTION

My morning devotion was titled During the Darkest Days.  For me, today, that was an apt title and a needed devotion.  The openning line read, "The sadness that accompanies any significant loss is an inevitable part of life. In time the sadness runs its course and gradually abates."  Isn't it funny how often a message will come just on the day it is expressly needed.  I needed to read this today.  I need the assurance that sadness will run its course and lessen over time.  I also needed to read and hear the accompanying bible verse: "I have heard your prayers; I have seen your tears. Look I will heal you." 2 Kings 20:5.

Why was this important to me today?  Because tonight I faced up to what my future holds.  Even more important to my future is the quotation for the day given in the devotion.  "Concern should drive us into action an not into depression"~~Karen Horney.  I need to move not sit still.  I need to move into action an action that will place me in a good place for my future. The future that God has planned for me.

TEMPTED TO GIVE UP

I think the reminder to and challenge of coming up with dreams for my future did not work as well as I had hoped.  When you are out of practice, allowing yourself the freedom to dream is not as easy as it sounds or as it should be. By last night I was pretty discouraged.  Every dream I had considered was met with thoughts of why it was impossible or impractical.  I  came very close to rejecting the notion that there is a place for dreams in my life at the moment.

I find this to be a very scary and depressing place and though I do not want to be here this is where I am.  I can't ignore where I'm currently at in my life, but I sure would like to  .I'd like to curl up into a little ball in the corner and just tell life to go away.  It's too hard.  I'm too tired of fighting it.  I'm tired of dealing with problems alone and being alone.  This is not how I thought I would be living at this point in my life. 

Thank God as the title of this post states I was only Tempted To Give Up.  God is good.  He is not allowing me to give up on myself, as much as I want to.  He provided me with an Aunt, that though I was not close to after I married and left home, who always when I was in a trying time sent a note letting me know I was a very strong person.  She reminded me that she felt I was the strong one in the family and with that strength I could overcome anything that life would throw at me. I have never been able to forget that faith she had in me.  I remember her now. 

Also God keeps placing devotions and bible passages in front of me that remind me to not  give up.  In the book of Joshua today I read that God reminded Joshua to not give up; to not allow himself to get sidetracked from all God had promised him.  God told him in chapter 1; ""Haven't I commanded you?  Strength! Courage! Don't be timid; don't get discouraged.  God, your God, is with you every step you take."  The Upper Room Devotion for the day was written by a woman who found herself alone.  The verses in the devotion were Psalm 91:1-2 "You who live in the shelter of the Most High, who abide in the shadow of the Almighty, will say to the Lord, 'My refuge and my fortress; my God, in whom I trust." and Matthew 28:20 "Jesus said, 'Surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.'"  Then I opened a book and read "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him." Romans 15:13.

Yes, God is good.  Even when I so strongly want to give up.  He is there reminding me that I am not as alone as I feel.  He won't give up on me and he won't allow me to give up on myself.  I don't know what the future holds for me.  I don't yet know what I dare to dream for my future.  What I do know is that with God by my side I can take each day as it comes.  I can ride the highs and I can wade through the lows.  Someday even, I may find the courage to dream again without the what ifs haunting me.  God IS good and he knows what my future holds and he will be there to walk me to it and through it.  What he offers me now is sufficient to get through this day and experience the fullness of it.  Thank you Lord!

THIS IS WHY I BLOG!

Friends have often asked my why I BLOG.  I do so because it is the easiest way I can keep track of some of my thoughts and musings and I can easily go back and see what I was thinking in the past.  I don't do as good of a job of labeling my entries as I should. Labels categorize the entries and make them easily searchable if I or anyone else for that matter might what to fid something. I need to go back and label things I have missed.

This morning my bible reading was from Deuteronomy and a verse that popped out was Deuteronomy 30:19b -20a."...I [God] have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Choose life....loving the Lord your God, obeying him and holding him fast; for that means life to you...."  The phrase "choose life" brought to mind a quote I had read concerning living and making a living and I know I wrote it here.  So I searched my label of "quotes" to find it.  Unfortunately it seems to be an entry I was not so good at labeling, but I did find an entry from 2008 that drew me up short.  It dealt with the importance of dreaming and having dreams for our future.  It was titled Dreams and Life. I've created a link to it here so I can find it faster when needed.  I need to revisit this entry often.  Seems I have not made much progress on having dreams in the last two years.  I have been tempted to think at 60 it is too late for dreams.  In my head I know this is not true.  In my heart I am still afraid it is true.

At the end of the 2008 post I asked "What are your dreams?"  I need to ask my self that question and I need to come up with an answer.  I need to write that answer down and then I need to trust that dreams can come true even at 60 and beyond!

I will go back and find the original quote on life and living verses making a living.  It is another one I need to refer to often.  Right now I think I have become trapped in worrying about making a living verse actually living.  Maybe it is my season of life for right now.  But focusing too much on making a living verse living is no way to live.....that is like a dog chasing it's tail.  The likelihood of ever catching it is small and so the activity eventually becomes futile!  I need to choose life and life includes dreams......

So what ARE your dreams????????

STICK IT OUT!

I fell a little behind in my reading over the weekend. This morning I've had some time to catch up. Once again a group of passages has caught my attention and seemed to be red flagged for me. It's Hebrews 6:13:19. I'm still reading in the Message:

"When God made his promise to Abraham, he backed it up to the hilt, putting his own reputation on the line. He said, 'I promise that I'll bless you with everything I have--bless and bless and bless!' Abraham stuck it out and got everything that had been promised to him. When people make promises, they guarantee them by appeal to some authority above them so that if there is any question that they'll make good on the promise, the authority will back them up. When God wanted to guarantee his promises, he gave his word, a rock solid guarantee--God can't break his word. And because his word can not change, the promise is likewise unchangeable.
We who have run for our very lives to God have every reason to grab the promised hope with both hands and never let go. It's an unbreakable spiritual lifeline, reaching past all appearances right to the very presence of God...." ~~The Message by Eugene Peterson

I like the promised blessings mentioned here, but that is not what hit me while reading this. I've never questioned that God has promised to bless our lives. I've not felt those blessings at times or I wondered when those blessings will come. (Anyone can tell you patience is not one of my strong points.) What struck me was "Abraham stuck it out..." That made me think back over the stories of Abraham's life. Yes he definitely "stuck it out"! God made a promise to him and it took almost a lifetime for that promise to be totally fulfilled and though Abraham "stuck it out" he did not do so with total grace. Abraham made some big blunders during the course of his life. There were times when you have to question how much he really trusted God and his promises. How much he really trusted God to care for him. Not only once, but twice he passed his wife off as his sister out of fear of losing his life to a King or Pharaoh. He didn't learn lessons about trusting God in all things very well. This struck a note of familiarity with my life. Yet, Abraham the writer of Hebrews says "...stuck it out and got everything promised to him."

Here is today's lesson for me. Stick it out! Trust God and his promises. Most importantly when I fail: When out of weakness, loneliness, or fear I fail to trust God and his promises, don't be so hard on myself. Always when I go back to God asking his forgiveness and help in being more patient, more trusting, and more faithful he will be there. Abraham was judged faithful despite his failings. I pray that at the end of my life when I approach God's throne I to will be found faithful.

HEBREWS 5:8

The other day I was talking with a friend about my current reading habits. Since I'm alone so much I am reading up a storm. During May alone I read 5 books and listened to another. (I listen to books in the car going to and from work.) I know that's how many I read because I've started keep a list in Excel to keep track of what I read so I don't forget and begin rereading it. My friend shared with me that she has certain books she rereads on a regular basis because every time she does she is at a different point in her life and she gets a different message from the book.

That got me to thinking.....I do that with the Bible. Since I began reading the Bible, which was probably as soon as I began reading since I went to a parochial school and had Bible Study classes from grade 1 on, I have read through it many times. I am amazed how each time I read it, whether as part of my daily devotions, a planned out "read through the Bible in a year" programs, or a study of a certain theme or book of the Bible something new that I swear I never read before pops out.

I guess it is like my friend said; when ever I pick up and read the Bible I am at a different point in my life than I was the last time I did. Even on a daily basis I am in a different frame of mind or something new has happened or I am dealing with a new issue than a moment before. This happened this morning during my Bible reading.

This year I am following 2010 Bible Reading Guide put out by the Maryland Bible Society. Their pamphlet, which I found at our church, caught my attention because their theme for the year is Embodying Hope and I felt I certainly needed a good dose of hope this year. Currently the readings are from Hebrews today's Hebrews 4:14-5:10. For fun this year I am reading from Eugene Peterson's, The Message, though I keep my trusty NRSV close at hand.

Hebrews 5:8 was one of those verses that jumped out at me. It says "Though he [Jesus] was God's son he learned trusting-obedience by what he suffered, just as we do." ~~The Message. That stopped me in my tracks. Jesus had to learn trusting-obedience just like I do and he learned it through suffering and the need to rely on God to be by his side and get him through the suffering! I couldn't believe what I was reading. Surely this was Eugene Peterson's interpretation, but no, the NRSV says "Although he was a Son, he learned obedience through what he suffered;..." I have been involved in numerous discussions and debates as to why it was so important that God came to earth in the form of a human baby and grew into a human man. For me this verse gives part of the answer to that question.

I have a hard time relating to God. God is God.....He is perfect. He can do all things. HE knows all things. He is above all things, or is he? When he came to earth in human form he allowed that part of him to be part of all things. He allowed himself to experience and feel all the things we humans do. He struggled with many of the same issues we humans do. According to Hebrews 5:8 he learned and he grew and reading on to verse 9 he being also divine went on to becoming perfect and therefore becoming our source of salvation. He did that partially by dealing with his struggles, taking them to his Father God and learning to trust and be obedient.

Now I know I can not become perfect, at least not in this world, I am not both human and divine, but I to can follow Jesus lead and out of my struggles, and currently there seem to be many in my life, learn to trust and be obedient to God. This is my lesson for the day.

BACK ON TRACK THIS MORNING AND THANKFUL!

Dt 31:6 "Be strong and bold, have no fear or dread of them, because it is the Lord your God who goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you." This was part of Moses message to the Israelites before his death and as they were facing moving into the promised land without him to guide them. Moses reminded them that though things weren't going as they had thought things would or as they might have planned it would be OK. God would be with them. He would guide them and see that they were cared for.
Jos 1:5 "No one shall be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you." Here God is speaking directly to Joshua after Moses death. Joshua is facing moving into the promised land. A new place, the place promised over 40 years earlier to the Israelites as they were leaving Egypt. The journey they took to get from one place to the other was not an easy one. It was not what they had expected as they set out with Moses. But through out that journey God never once left their side even though they wandered from him multiple times and complained even more.
Heb 13:5-6 "Keep your lives free from the love of money, and be content with what you have; for he has said, 'I will never leave you or forsake you.' So we can say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can anyone do to me?'" From a sermon at the end of the book of Hebrews. According to my study Bible this part of the sermon deals with practical instructions to the community of faith. There was also a note which led me to....
Psalm 118:6 "With the Lord on my side I do not fear. What can mortals do to me?"

All the above is good news and good advice for a new day!

VERSES FOR TODAY

Philippians 4:4-7
4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.
4:5 Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near.
4:6 Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
4:7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

This is one of the lectionary verses for the week. It is a good one to keep in mind. I think each verse carries a key word.

From verse four REJOICE! It is always good to rejoice. Especially to rejoice in the Lord as we are told to do hear. No matter what my state of mind or emotion if I "rejoice in the Lord" I find I will soon have a heart of thanksgiving for all God has blessed me with; a mind full of wonderment at all he has done; and a smile on my lips.

From verse five GENTLENESS! Our spirit should be one of gentleness toward others and towards ourselves. In today's world of expected perfection and demanded immediate results it is often easier to be hard and judgmental. To be demanding of self and others. But we are called to be gentle.

From verse six we actually have a phrase DO NOT WORRY! When has worry solved anything? Worry is a time and an energy waster. I don't think that means do not be concerned, but when concerned we are to take those things to God. We are told to take our concerns to God. He will provide an answer and the first answer will be DO NOT WORRY...I'm here, I'm with you we can handle this concern together.

And finally in verse seven PEACE! This is the greatest of the words here and it comes out of taking heed of the first three. If we REJOICE, are GENTLE and DO NOT WORRY we are told God will grant us a PEACE that passes all understanding. A PEACE that only he can give and wants to grant to each and every one of us.