RESPONSIBLE

According to Dictionary.com there are 7 different uses for the adjective RESPONSIBLE. I've been thinking a lot about this word recently.  Why?  Not necessarily for a good reason.  Frankly I'm experiencing moments lately when I am just plain tired of being responsible.  So, of the 7 definitions which is the one that I am struggling with. Its number 4: having the capacity for moral decisions and therefore accountable; capable of  rational thought or action.

I was talking with a friend at church this morning and sharing that I wished I wasn't such a responsible person.  I really wanted to do something totally irrational and irresponsible today, but knew I wouldn't.  Why wouldn't I?  Because I'm too darn responsible and know that as much as I want to do something like get totally wasted (IE: drunk) so I could for a moment forget about my life doing so would not solve anything and would only make me feel even worse afterward.  I think about just packing up and leaving MD (IE: run away), and making a new start and a new life where no one knows what my life used to be.  But how would I support myself?  My jobs are here.  Where would I live?  My house is here. As much as I want to do this I won't. I know at this point I would probably only take my problems with me. Once again I think too responsibly.  I can't even bring myself to run over to AAA and book a cruise to Bermuda or a week at Disney World.  How would I pay for it and I really can't afford to take more time off work.  ACK!!!!!  I really am sick of being responsible........but that's who I am.

As much as I want to can't take actions that I haven't thought through and know that they will have positive consequences all around.  Is this bad?  Are there times in our life where a bit of irresponsibility is well, not being irresponsible?  I honestly don't know.  All I do know is that for the moment I am stuck with continuing to be responsible.  So for now I will have a small snifter of brandy to take the edge off my ragged emotions, I will work on dealing with my life as it now stands here in MD and I will continue to put aside as much money as I  can so when I do go to Bermuda or WDW it will be paid for in advance.

COURAGE

I don't know why but lately it seems as if I wake up in the morning with a word on my mind. IT was that way with "regret" as well as "illusion" and this morning at 5:30am it was "courage". I don't know why this is happening, but it does give me something to think about during the day.

As is usual I start with a basic definition: The quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc. without fear; bravery. OK nothing unexpected there.

Then I move on to some quotes concerning courage. My favorite web site for quotes has become Thinkexist.com. So what do I find there that speaks to me.....well one actually relates back to one of my quotes on regret. Sven Goran Eriksson said " The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure." This quote doesn't mention courage per sea, but acting out of fear of failure is I think the opposite of acting out of courage. Also not explicitly mentioning the word courage, Roseanne Cash said. "The key to change is to let go of fear." Letting go and overcoming fear seems to be the secret of gaining courage.

This brings back to mind the Upper Rooms Daily Reflection from last Saturday. It spoke on fear; what it does to us and what God says about it in our lives. Here was its thought taken from Norman Shawchuck's book A Guide to Prayer for All Who Seek God. "Fear kills a mind and soul by slowly obliterating the visions we hold for our lives. That we should not fall prey to fear is a constant theme in the scriptures. God does not want us to Succumb to the chilling and killing aspects of fear; God encourages people not to be afraid of the circumstances in which they find themselves. It seems that one of God's favorite themes is 'Do not be afraid' or 'Do not fear.' Perhaps God repeats this theme so often because we so often fear circumstances that confront us in our lives and ministries."

So it would seem the key to gaining courage is to conquer our fear. How do we conquer fear? A major way to to trust in the Lord. One of the final things John records Jesus as saying during the last supper prior to his betrayal was "In the world you face persecution. But take courage; I have conquered the world!" John 16:33b. Matthew ends his gospel with Jesus promise "And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age." Matthew 28:20b.

There was one final quote that struck me as I read about courage. It was an anonymous one. "It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel."

Courage; casting out fear really is the important thing to gain that elusive trait named courage! Courage can be a scary commodity, but only if it is fear that rules my life. Just how courageous am I willing to be????