SHARING

It was quilt show weekend for me.Our local quilt guild has been working for months to prepare for this show. I've been with various shows for too many years to count without bringing to mind how old I have become. This is always an exciting time for me. I love to make things. I love to see what others make. I love sharing in this experience with friends I have made through the years. I love making new friends during the show and sharing the excitement of the show with them. BUT.....this year I have discovered that the sharing with these friends, is not enough. Is that greedy of me to need more? If it is I guess I am a greedy person. I miss sharing the joys of the show with one special person. After set up Thursday, after the opening day excitement, and Saturday after the excitement of seeing beautiful quilts there was an emptiness I did not expect.

This experience led me to do some thinking about the importance of sharing. I guess that as with many things in life the importance of sharing life's experiences varies from one person to another. I am discovering that for me it is more important than I ever realized.

My reflections on sharing led me to do a Google search on it to get some others thoughts. At first I began looking to find a basic definition. Instead, I ended up at a site with peoples ideas and quotes from them on it. They were quite interesting as many of them put into words much of what I was feeling. There was one that jumped out. I suddenly felt not so alone. Someone else had felt what I was. They must have or they couldn't have so perfectly put into words what I have been avoiding facing.....

"I miss you when something really good happens, because you are the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you are the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry because you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear, I miss you all the time, but I miss you the most when I lay awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we spent with each other; for those were some of the best times of my life."

Maybe over time the need for having a special someone to share with diminishes. I must admit though that I find that possibility a rather sad one. Something deep inside me still says life was meant to be shared. A life lived alone can be a good life, I'm sure but is it a full life? Maybe this is just wishful thinking on my part. Maybe it is just my not yet being totally willing to let go of a dream for how my life would be lived out. After all there are many people; many of them friends of mine who seem to have very full lives living solo. I don't know. What I do know is this weekend I missed someone who when I arrived home after a long day at the show greeted me with "How was the show today?"

ILLUSION

il·lu·sion (i lo̵̅o̅′z̸hən)

noun

1. a false idea or conception; belief or opinion not in accord with the facts
2. an unreal, deceptive, or misleading appearance or image a large mirror giving the illusion of space in a small room
3. 1. a false perception, conception, or interpretation of what one sees, where one is, etc.
   2. the misleading image resulting in such a false impression

SOMETIMES IN LIFE THINGS ARE NOT WHAT THEY SEEM!

What do you see in the above image? Are the lines straight and parallel to each other? Are they curved causing smaller then a bit larger spaces as you move in toward the center? Find a straight edge and check it out.

SOMETIMES IN LIFE THINGS ARE NOT WHAT THEY SEEM!

EASTER

Yesterday was a beautiful Easter Day! CHRIST IS RISEN!

The sun was out and was warm. The flowers were beautiful. The music soared through the rafters and to the heavens. The fellowship and time spent with friends was amazing. Most importantly though was the remembrance of God's goodness and love for us despite our waywardness. The celebration of this love through the proclamation of Christ's resurrection!

Our minister during his 8:30am sermon challenged us as Christians to find our "Easter Dream". That dream which allows us to move forward and make the world a better place. He said Christians are not just meant to be a happy people. We are to be a people of vision. A people who look, with God's help and direction, to make the world a better place. So what would your Easter Dream be???

I spent some time throughout the day and evening yesterday asking myself that question. I woke up again this morning with it on my mind. What is my Easter Dream??? There are many lofty dreams and visions that come to mind. Working toward world peace and making the world a place where all people love and accept each despite their many differences. A world where we embrace our differences as a wonderful celebration of God's goodness in creating each one of us as unique persons. OR...working to eradicate world hunger and or poverty. I think I would like my dream to be something a bit more personally oriented. Not in a selfish way, but in a way that I can actually work with it to maybe turn it into a reality. Though world peace and acceptance is a lofty goal as well as a world without hunger or poverty I am enough of a cynical realist to know I can not solve those problems....I can however work on myself. So my Easter Dream is......

.....to daily work with God to discover who he wants me to be as a woman of faith. To allow him to show me where he wants me to be, what he has for me to do, and to grant me the wisdom to see and understand these things. I want to learn to daily trust him with every moment of my life. I want to learn to trust that despite being 60, despite the unexpected twists and turns my life is currently taking, and despite life not being what I hoped and planned for he has a path for me; he has a purpose for me and both are good. I want to understand not only in my mind but in my heart that dreams are not lost, they are just changed. I want the dreams and visions for my life, for my future to be God driven, not me driven. He has a much better track record than I do for directing and caring for things. I also want the courage and the strength to work with him. I do not expect to sit back and let him work me a a puppet. I do not believe that is how God works in any one's life. A life lived with God as the Lord of our life is a two way proposition.

I believe that if I can keep this Easter Dream in front of me, I may not bring about world peace or end world hunger, but I will be an active participant in bringing a bit of God's heaven to earth. Isn't this the vision Jesus taught us to pray for when he taught the Lord's prayer. "Thy kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven."

60????????

A self portrait at 60.
I sure don't feel 60. Where did all the years go???
I remember when I thought 60 was sooooo old. I remember when I thought 60 was a life time ago. I remember when I thought 60 would be the gateway to the wonderful Golden Years.......
All those remembrances have been proven false. 60, I guess it's just a number. I guess the truth is 60 is what you choose to make of it. Or....like Stephanie put on my birthday cake...it's just 30x2. Come to think of it my 30th birthday was a pretty crummy one. I guess I'll stick with 60 and just hope and pray for the best. As for now, I'll just head into work and it will be just another day like any other.

FALLING APART

Tonight my favorite cutting board totally fell apart. Now that may not seem like a big deal, but it was. In fact, it was a gigantic deal.....one of those things that suddenly takes on immense importance and becomes the proverbial "straw that broke the camels back". That well loved and well used cutting board sitting on the kitchen counter in two pieces with one piece still in my hand became my life. I wanted to crumble to the floor in tears. Unfortunately I was in the middle of browning sausage and cutting bread for egg and sausage casserole and making caramel topping for caramel rolls so I didn't have that luxury and simple stirred, cut and buttered with the tears and sobs. I am tired of my marriage falling apart, I'm tired of my house falling apart, I'm tired of my sewing machine falling apart and I'm tired of my cutting board being in three pieces when I needed it. I'm just tired.

What scares me the most is that right now I'm tired of believing that God has a plan for my life, I'm tired of believing that my life will be better, I'm tired of looking for the good in all the falling apart around me. I'm tired of being strong when I just want to love and be loved. I want to turn back the clock or I want to turn it forward, but I don't want to be here now all alone in a quiet house making family favorites for a family that's fallen apart and though it exists its in pieces like my cutting board.

IT'S SPRING!!!

Yea, winter is officially over! Spring always brings with it new beginnings and hope. The grass is now green rather than brown, the birds are singing in the morning greeting each new day now, and the sun gives the air a warmth that just plain makes me smile! God is good!

I spent three days this week with a friend at Ocean City, MD and the beach. I love the beach. The sounds and smell of the ocean also make me smile. The smile they produce is in my soul rather than on my face. The sound of the ocean waves rolling and crashing onto the beach fills me with awe. Each wave holds power and a strength that appears to ebb and flows back out to sea only to return once again full of power. It never stops. The ocean waves do not take a break and cease coming onto the shore. Day and night they continue to roll ashore; coming in and going back out and coming in again. I never tire of watching the ocean waves or of listening to them. I can never look at them and not be reminded of the love of God. It never ceases just as the waves never cease and there is power in his love.

That reminds me of a verse in the song, The Power of His Love it says:

Lord renew my mind
As Your will unfolds my life
In living every day
By the power of Your love.

That is my prayer as we move into spring and the new beginning that it brings. I pray that the Lord will renew my mind and that as his will unfolds in my life I will have the courage and strength to live in it every day resting and relying on the power of his love!

Momma Said There'll Be Days Like This!

Anyone remember the Shirelles? Well I guess unless you are a child of the 60's you probably don't....they had a song called Momma Said so I may have to introduce them to you or reintroduce them to forgetful children of the 60's.



Lyrics | Shirelles - Mama Said lyrics

Well I've had one of those days today......it began with eye's popping wide open at 3:30 this morning! Not a good thing on the morning where one already lost an hour due to start of daylight savings! Little sleep does not do well for my ability to keep emotions in check....not a good thing on a Sunday morning! Then it's been raining and dreary since Friday....does great things for those emotions already out of control due to lack of sleep! I think you get the idea.

Anyway the day is now over. I survived and did actually get a few things accomplished as the afternoon wore on. I should be in bed trying to catch up on the missed sleep, but mind is still going a mile a minute and till it slows down to a crawl there will still be little sleep. So I listen to music from the 60's and reintroduce myself to the less complicated days of my youth. Similarly this is a pretty uncomplicated little musical ditty as it seems was much of the music of the early 60's.......ah, but the memories.......at least some of them bring a smile to my face which is very very welcome.

Luckily tomorrow will be a new day. The good news is that by Tuesday the sun should be out once again and the temps on the rise as well. Always there is something to look forward to....even on days like this!

QUOTE FOR TODAY!

This quote comes with a question first? Who do you think might have said this????

"Learning how to live is much more important than learning how to make a living."

So who do you think might be the person who said this?

I was quite surprised when I found out. I am making a living or at least trying to, but more importantly I am at almost 60 still learning how to live. I'm learning how to make choices that give me a full, happy, contented and still productive life. I am learning productive means more than just more $'s in the bank, though that is nice. This is a hard lesson. Life in America is $ driven: More money to buy more things. More money to do things. More money to hoard away for a planned future that, I have learned, is not assured. More money for protection and security when God is really our only true protection and security.

More money, more money, more money..........in America it seems there is never enough money we always need more money. That is what I think comes when one focuses on the need for making a living rather than the need to learn how to live. Yes I fell into this trap make a living first, learn to live later after you have made it. I don't think I was always that way however. I think I used to know how to live, what was truly important to me. That it was only in the last 10 years or so that I forgot and the focus gradually changed. I need to relearn how to live......

I doubt the person who said this is really saying money is not good or that making a living is not important....when you find out who said it I'm pretty sure you will agree with that thought. I think he is saying when we have learned how to live. When we have learned what is important to us the learning of how to make that living a reality will come easier.

I need to relearn how to live. I need to learn how to live a life that is full, happy, contented and productive. How to live a life that of service and help to others. I need to figure out what is important to me. If I can't do that, if I haven't learned how to live, the making of a living is just a meaningless exercise in using up or hoarding $'s.

So who said the above quote.....one of the richest men in the world.....Warren Buffett. A man who through his life and use the of his $'s has shown not only does he know how to make a living, but he truly does know how to live!

I LOVE BARBRA

Barbra Streisand that is....what a tremendous singer. She truly puts her whole heart and soul into her songs be they show tunes, love songs, or laments. I've been listening to several of her CD's as I quilt this morning and one intro she gave before a song made me stop and just listen. In fact, I had not only to stop my quilting to start the track over and listen, but to come here to write. I couldn't quilt through tears anyway so needed to take a break.

The CD is Streisand:Live in Concert 2006. the song and dialogue are tracks 12 and 13. Leonard Bernstein's Somewhere. She introduced the song reminding the audience that it is a song from West Side Story which was set in the 1950's but is based on Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. Hate she stated unfortunately transcends time. She also stated though that "Hate accomplishes nothing". That she hoped that she would live to see a world where we could learn to live together. Then just before singing she quoted Archbishop Desmond Tutu. "God created us different to know our need for one another." That got me....then listening to the song I just fell apart.

Why can't we humans just get along???? Why can't we hear and embrace the truth in Desmond Tutu's words? They resonate on so many different levels. Are we so blinded to our own needs that we have forgotten others and their needs. That we have forgotten the art of give and take; forgotten how to work together, how at times to even celebrate our differences seeing that rather than dividing us or pitting us against each other they provide us the opportunity to become whole.

No one person, one culture, one religion or one anything has all the answers. We must learn to work together. We must learn to fill in our weaknesses with another's strengths. This I think is what God wants for his creation! Now for the song:

Somewhere
There's a place for us,
Somewhere a place for us.
Peace and quiet and open air
Wait for us
Somewhere.

There's a time for us,
Some day a time for us,
Time together with time spare,
Time to learn, time to care,
Some day!

Somewhere.
We'll find a new way of living,
We'll find a way of forgiving
Somewhere . . .

There's a place for us,
A time and place for us.
Hold my hand and we're halfway there.
Hold my hand and I'll take you there
Somehow,
Some day,
Somewhere!

ASH WEDNESDAY

Today is Ash Wednesday. Just what is Ash Wednesday? Well:

• It is the beginning of Lent, which always falls on the seventh Wednesday be fore Easter.
• It is 46 days long. Sundays are not counted as days of Lent so there are actually 40 days of Lent.
• It is celebrated by the Western Church.
• Many churches hold Ash Wednesday services where as part of the service ashes, in the shape of the cross, are placed on the foreheads of the attendees.

It's interesting in my searching on the meaning of Ash Wednesday I discovered some religions believe that act of placing the ashes on the forehead is to remind one of death and of the sorrow he/she should feel for their sins, and of the necessity of changing his/her life. Another said it is a sign of repentance. I think there is a subtle but important difference in these two views. The first to me is a negative way of thinking. Almost an attitude of defeat and failure. Something which looks more to the possible wrath and judgment of God. The second is more hopeful. An attitude of humility and confession. It looks to God's promise of forgiveness and love. I choose the second view point.

• Ash Wednesday celebrations are thought to have been first mentioned in the 8th century. One of the first mentions of it's practice is found in the writing so an Anlgo-Saxon abbot Aelfric (955-1020).
• Though Ash Wednesday as a practice is never mentioned in the Bible, the use of ashes in a ritual of repentance is mentioned. The most well know instances of it are found in Job and in Jonah. Jesus makes mention of it in Matthew 11:21.
• As the ashes are placed on the forehead the minister or priest often will say something similar to "remember you are but dust, and to dust you shall return." These words can also be found in the bible Ecclesiastes 3:20.

So yes, I will attend our churches' Ash Wednesday service tonight. I will take part in the imposition of ashes. I will confess my sins before God and then also I will celebrate with those others present the Eucharist, Holy Communion. In this celebration I will remember the love God has for us all. A love so deep that he sent his only son, Jesus, to bear the sins of the world. To bear the sins of my confession. He did so that I might be forgiven and be made right with him and that I can be in fellowship with him. This is the Good News!

BACK TO NORMAL????

Well though I am not totally sure what my normal is anymore whatever it is life seems to be getting back to it. I'm even getting visitors again.........

This little guy has been visiting my backdoor for quite some time now. My neighbor feeds the squirrels peanuts and I think that he, the squirrel, gets my back door confused with Barb and Jerry's. Before the snow he would regularly come up onto the back steps and beg at the back door. Silly guy, but definitely a persistent one.

After the snow began to fall he didn't come around. Not that I blamed him for this....it was rather nasty out. But his morning he was back and now he has a nice little snow drift turned block of ice to set on while he begs. It brings him up a bit higher so it's easier for him to be seen. It keep trying to tell him he has the wrong house, but he is determined to make friends with me in hopes of gaining some food. I do wonder with all the snow on the ground what he is eating....I hope that he was smart enough to lay aside a good store of nuts last fall.......

I'm kind of glad he is persistent though. It's nice to have someone to talk to in the morning. It would be even nicer to have someone who would talk back so there would be some two way conversation, but I guess I will have to be happy and grateful for the company I have.

VALENTINE'S DAY AND CHINESE NEW YEAR

So today is both Valentine's Day and the Chinese New Year. I think I will go with celebrating the Chinese New Year and the beginning of the year of the Tiger. I am a Tiger........

What does it mean to be a Tiger? I did a little internet research this morning looking for something positive to come out of the new year, be it the Chinese one or simply 2010....from Wikipiedia....

"The third trine consists of the Tiger, Horse, and Dog. These three signs seek a true lover, and are like-minded in their pursuit of humanitarian causes. Each is a gifted orator and excels at verbal communication. Relationships and personal contact are of highest priority and each one seeks their intimate soul mate. Idealistic and impulsive, the Tiger, Horse and Dog follow the beat of their own drummer. Defiant against injustice, these three signs wilt without large amounts of physical affection and loyal support for causes. They are productive, enthusiastic, independent, engaging, dynamic and honorable. They can also be rash, rebellious, quarrelsome, hot-headed, reckless, anxious, moody, disagreeable, and stubborn. Although these three signs are loyal, they can be very protective when lied to. The three signs do not enjoy being told what to do, but will listen when it is a person they love or trust whole-kindheartedly."

From another site among other things it said....Tiger people cannot make up their minds which can lead to poor hastily made decisions or well thought out decisions made too late. Sadly this sounds pretty right on.....one a bit more positive side is also said they were highly sensitive people, given to deep thinking and capable of great sympathy. I need to work on the deep thinking...I think over the years I have pretty much shut off the deep thinking for a variety of reasons or if I am doing deep thinking I don't let myself consciously register my thoughts.

Finally from a third area I got this advice on who I might be...It seems Tigers are rebels and the can be unpredictable. They love life and love being the center of attention,,,,hmmmm....They speak their minds when upset by something. I am learning to do that better. For many years I have not wanted to rock the boat. Not good! They are supposedly sincere, generous and affectionate. I know I want to be generous, but that has pretty much been stifled. I will work on that. I found this very interesting....Tigers when injured or hurting desire all out sympathy. They want to be comforted. Logic does not appeal to them. They will sincerely listen to advice given and then do what they want. They have spunk and not much keeps them down for long. "No matter how down and out they are, they will never give up. They can always start all over again." I could use a bit more of that spunk this year! Finally this site said Tigers are optimists! I've always felt that deep down I Am an optimist. I have my pessimistic moments some lasting longer than others, but for the most part I will bounce back. Just give me time.

So if one believes in zodiacs Chinese or Astrological this look into the Tiger might give me a glimpse into who I am and what I shouldn't be fighting in my basic personality. Some good stuff some not so good, but there is a lot of me I see here and some of what I see I have tried to disavow or simply ignore.

The year of the Tiger or maybe just 2010 may be the year to learn to be true to myself and who I am.

QUOTE FOR TODAY!

"Act the way you'd like to be and soon you'll be the way you act."
Dr. George Crane

How shall I act? What do I want to be? Contented.....happy.....thin.....successful....responsible....healthy....faithful....loved.
There are so many things to choose from. There is also the basic question lurking at the back of my mind. Is this statement even true? Maybe that is the place to start: Just living as if it is.

SHE DID!

I did venture out yesterday.....it was a rather interesting and at time scary operation. The interesting factor was seeing just how bad things were beyond my little world. There are many trees down all along the way. Fortunately none blocked any of the roads I was on, but a few were hanging over the road and I had to drive under them hoping they would not continue their fall while I was under them; they didn't! That was one of the scary times the others were from the multiple locations I had to make a turn blindly. My car is so small and low to the ground that there were many corners where I simply had to ease my way out hoping, praying and trusting that if there was traffic coming down the road they would see me and either stop or move into another lane.

For these reasons I have decided it will be a while before I venture out again.....and today we have received another 9 inches here in Germantown and though the snow is at the moment slowing down a bit we are under a blizzard warning until tonight. Winds are forecast to gust up to 50 miles per hour.

The heroes of the week are all the snowplow operators who have been out on the roads almost nonstop since last Friday. They may be getting a bit of a break according to the news. Not for a good reason though the conditions have gotten so bad with white out conditions that some jurisdictions are pulling the plows to the side of the road for safety reasons.

And so in the immortal words of one of our past ministers at our church...."And the beat goes on!"

WILL SHE OR WON'T SHE???

Me being the she.....the question of the day is shall I venture out to make sure life exists and still goes on outside of my little cul de sac or shall I just stay home and continue on in my own little world????? I'm a little worried about being able to see around corners with my sweet little Saturn who I am now convinced is a Southern Belle. She is very happy and snug in the garage. Hasn't even given me a hintthat she wants to go out in this stuff. I think I may just have convinsed my self to stay at home. Maybe I will venture out on foot to see what the views are in the neighborhood at least. Well see....right now it;s a blamy 23 degrees out. Brrrr.......

AN ANGEL, FREEDOM & BEAUTY!

Angels come in all shapes and sizes and sometime totally unexpected, but thankfully they do come. My angel today came in the form of a neighbor with a snow blower. After the December snowstorm Jack a neighbor to my right and across the street helped me out. Jack I guess wore himself and his snow blower out yesterday on his driveway and the one next to him and directly across the street. Actually he probably ran out of gas. That was a lot of snow blowing he did. Anyway I had given up on getting out from under all this stuff when the wife of my neighbors to the left showed up in my front porch....I guess clearing it yesterday paid off. She let me know that her husband would be over as soon as he has his snow blower started to at least clear away the snow the plow had piled up.

While waiting for him I donned my snow wear and headed out to clean out away from the ends of the down spouts......that was a chore in and off itself. Trudging through thigh deep snow with a snow shovel and garden spade is not something I care to do on a daily basis.. but I did it. My down spouts are clear and I even dug out the window well I could reach. ME WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR!!!!!

It took about another hour, but at the end of it I have a totally clear driveway......I am FREE! Not that I plan on going anywhere soon. I figure Tuesday morning will be soon enough. Just the knowledge though that I am not trapped is a wonderful feeling. Thank God for neighbors who care! This is a great neighborhood. The house and driveway is situated so that now the sun has done it;s thing and I have a totally dry driveway!

The sun is out in full force today. It is still below freezing so not much melting other than black surfaces is happening, but with the bright blue sky and the bright white snow it is blindingly beautiful out! The world is a wonderfull place and for now it is still winter, but spring will come and this year the followers will be especially beautiful!!!!! Only 6 more weeks to go!

Of course who knows what Tuesday night might bring!

This is the result of about an hour and a half of shoveling.....obviously I did not get very far and I don't think I will be getting any farther; back says no more and I am just realizing my hands are not wanting to bend at the fingers without a rather large ache that I haven't felt in some time.

I did notice an interesting phenomena while I was shoveling the driveway. I was transported to the glaciers of Alaska. The sun was starting to come out and as it was shining on the top of the snow where I had walk earlier and by the edge of where I had just shoveled the snow was the blue of the glaciers.....now that is a lot of snow!

48 HOURS LATER!

What a difference 48 hours can make.......this may not look like much, but I had to wade out through mid-thigh deep snow in the driveway to get this picture......It is about 28 inches of snow. I think things are starting to wind down. There is still a bit coming down but not much. The big thing now is that they are saying as the temperatures drop the winds will pick up. This will not be good for the trees. The pines are pretty much bent parallel to the ground and branches on the other trees are loaded and some are literally weighted down to touch the snow piled on the ground.

This is looking out my front door.

Temps are going down to about 13 tonight they say. That will pretty much freeze everything solid.....I think I am down for the count at this point. I just don;t have it in me to shovel. One of our local weather men did some research on the weight of wet heavy snow....which did this and I figure I would have at least a ton of snow to move before I could go anywhere. Nope this old lady is not doing that....I will just stay home till it melts or spring which ever might come first.....

BRING IT ON!

Bring on the snow. I am ready!!!!!!!

Winter is not done with the Mid Atlantic yet....from what they say we have possibly another 2 feet of snow on the way. The minimum amount they are talking is 18 inches.....ENOUGH ALREADY! I just had someone tell me that they read we have had 380% of normal snowfall for a Washington DC winter already. But as I said I am ready!

Despite the cold this afternoon after I got off work I donned my sweats and headed out to the garage. It was totally disorganized. Assorted bags of mulch, sand, peat and fertilizers were all over the place. A ladder, wheel barrow full of knocked down packing boxes and a lawnmower sat in the middle of the floor surrounded by hoses and outdoor electrical cords; plus bubble wrap, cardboard boxes and the paper recycling bin. It took about an hour and more muscle than I thought I had, but I managed to tame everything into submission and found places for it all. I'm sure I will feel muscles in the morning that I don't remember having. It will be worth is though when the snow arrives and my car has a nice spot in the garage where the snow will not reach it.
The secondary benefit will be it should be much easier to shovel the driveway when this is all done. Though come to think of it there will be much more to shovel without the car blocking a good part of it from snow fall. Oh well I guess there is a downside to everything.

Maybe I just won't leave home till spring......OR....maybe since I fit my car into the garage to be ready for the snow it will not happen!

BECOMING AND BEING

My business is not to remake myself,
But make the absolute best of what God made.

~~Robert Browning

Now to discover what God made. This is my journey. I have been buried under "should be" for far to long. Just who is this person named Suzanne?

WHITE AGAIN!

Everything outside my window this morning is white as snow....well that is because everything out side is covered in snow once again. This is the winter that just keeps on giving. This is a visual image though that reminds me of God's forgiveness. We are told in Isaiah 1:11 "...though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be like snow..." God forgives. Over and over God forgives.

Roberta Porter affirmed this for me this morning in my morning devotion. In a meditation from Alive Now, a wonderful little magazine from The Upper Room, she said, "In our failures, in our busy forgetting, we are forgiven, renewed to continue to be the hands and feet of Christ--no small task no small gift."

I need forgiveness daily. I am human! I have faults, and I will never be perfect no matter how hard I try. I need forgiveness. I thank God that he is so willing to forgive. I thank God that I can live in confidence knowing he, if no one else will never give up on me. With that knowledge of forgiveness comes a sense of a need to gratefully respond to it. I also need to give forgiveness. Not to God of course. I need to be willing to forgive those who hurt me; to those who hurt my loved ones and yes I need to be able to forgive myself. Being willing and able to forgive others is one way I can "be the hands and feet of Christ".

THANK YOU ROBERT FROST

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life:
It goes on.

~~Robert Frost

WHAT I DISCOVERED

I'm not sure this is a good thing to discover, but in looking for a Mother of the Groom dress today I discovered I can be beautiful! Shopping for clothing has always been an incredibly depressing experience for me. Nothing fit! Everything I tried on was too short, too small, too big or really dowdy looking on me. I developed a real hate of my body and the way I looked. It was all wrong...well unfortunately today I discovered I was just looking in all the wrong places. The joke is on me. I was created with the body of a wealthy woman not an ordinary woman.

Because a wedding is a special day I needed a special dress, but don't have much money to find it with. First stop David's Bridal....the low cost bridal shop. It was a disaster.....everything looked horrid on my body. Of course I was not surprised because everything always looks horrid and fits terribly. I left there in despair....fortunately a good friend had told me don't ignore high end stores like Lord 'n Taylor and Nordstrom, they may have some good sales. So I persevered. I needed a dress and I didn't want to look like a 60 year old frump....and I need some affirmation for myself at this point of my life with all that is going on. GUESS WHAT!!! $300 dresses look absolutely wonderful on me. I felt like a fairy princess well maybe not a princess, too old for that, but I felt like a beautiful woman! It is wrong to feel beautiful???? I hope not because it felt wonderful!

The best thing is that all the dresses I found were on sale. None were over $170 which is way more than I would normally consider spending on a dress or what I can proably afford to spend on a dress but I had set $200 as my limit beyond which I would not even consider no matter how good it looked. So now I will get together with Lindsay and find out which she likes the best and I think I have myself a dress, and no matter what anyone else thinks I will feel beautiful or at least attractive. I hope that does not make me vain. I think it mainly just makes me a woman.

REFRESHING THOUGHT!

This morning on the news I hear one of the most refreshing thoughts I have heard in a very long time. The most amazing thing was that it came from a politician!!!!!

President Obama was making some comments on tomorrows State of the Union Speech. He was musing on his many critics and he said something to the effect of.....the job of a politician is not to work to get re-elected. It is to work to make our country a better and safer place for all Americans. What a novel idea.....OK I am being sarcastic here. I knew I liked that man. He also made another comment this one directed to his opponents in congress who are already speculating and reacting negatively to what he might be saying in the State of the Union Speech. HE asked them to please wait and hear what he says before they criticize it. I know many Americans do not like the man but some time I feel he is the only civil person living and working with-in our political system. What ever happened to civilized political discourse and the idea that opposing opinions can be discussed without name calling and compromises worked out with everyone giving and taking a little. Have wee have become such a stiff necked, hard headed and hard hearted people that we can no longer see beyond our own self interest and needs?

I do know what I will be doing tomorrow night. I will eagerly be listening to my President with a sence of hope and anticiaption and I hope notexperience grief at observing how some may respond to and treat him.

COMMUNITY!

My devotional reflection this AM dealt with the importance of "community". Specifically it referred to Jesus statement saying "Where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them." Matthew 18:20. The question is asked at the end of the short reflection was can we find Jesus in a gathering, a community, online? I don't think there can be any answer to this question but a sounding YES!

I have felt Jesus presence through many online friends. Some may argue that to be in community you need to be physically in each others presence. I don't by that. I have experienced a strong sense of community with my online friends. These communities take on many forms; through Facebook, through Split Coast Stampers, through friends I have made through BLOGS I have visited and commented on and ones who have visited mine and left a comment. I have found in each of those communities people of faith. People willing to share their faith. People willing to pray for and with me and people I pray for and hold in my heart.

Is Jesus with us as we pray for each other, share each others joys, struggles and sorrows? Definitely! The internet has not made my world smaller as some may argue since it does take time away from my immediate locality and friends I believe it has enlarged it. I am learning so much from so many.

So I thank the Lord for community. I thank the Lord he is present in all communities that gather in his name and I think that it may just be that even when we gather not explicity in his name he is there as well!

TRANSFORMATION

Romans 12:2~~~
"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds...."

This was the verse in my devotional reading this morning. Along with my Upper Room Daily Reflections I am also reading the daily meditation book Simple Abundance. Today's meditation there was on changing the way we look at as see the world around us. Changing our outlook on life from living either in the past or for the future to living in the moment.

I think there is a strong connection between these two thoughts. Living in the ways of the world we often look back tempted to try and regain the "glorious past". To live the way things were if they were good or to live in regret and be limited in our life today because the past wasn't so good. The world often wants us to believe because of choices made in the past we are what we we are today and there can be no changes. Other worldly thinking tells us to live today always keeping an eye to the future and it's needs. We sacrifice dreams of today so that tomorrow will be better. We miss wonderful opportunities laid before us because there is no time in today to enjoy what it offers. We are too busy preparing for tomorrow.

One thing I have become painfully aware of recently is that we have no guarantee of a future. The only moment that we can be assured that we have to live is the one we are presently living in. All the best laid plans and dreams for a future will not guarantee that, that future will arrive as we planned it to be. Many have discovered we can save and save for a wonderful retirement only to find ourselves in the midst of an economic crisis that wipes out all those hopes and plans. We've seen this past week in Haiti that lives and futures can change in a moment with the shifting of tectonic plates. Dreams of shared travel and relaxed leisure with a loved one in the "golden years" shatter and blow away like dust in the wind with the end of a marriage or death of the loved one. No, our future is not guaranteed. But the way of the world, the way of being a responsible adult, is to spend most of today living to make a better future.

This isn't an easy thought line, to just toss out of our way of living. I am not willing to totally throw out thoughts of the past or all preparations for the future. But they can't become our focus. We can't turn down a person for a job simply because of a mistake they made in their past. We can't reject a friend or loved one becasue of a past event or action. Maybe they learned, grew or became a better person from that mistake or choice. We can't give up on ourselves becasue of a mistake or choice made either. The same may be true for us. Maybe what someone else has told us was a mistake or a bad choice was only that in their eyes. What a tragedy to give up on ones present life as being good because we judge ourselves only by our past. Be it what we see in it or what others try to tell us about it.

As to the future. I do believe we need to be prepared for our future. To be ready to have a future but not at the expense of today. It's not good to mortgage the future to live today, but neither is it good to mortgage today or worse yet give up today to live in the future. There need to be a balance. And I feel if the scales of the balance must tip a bit in any direction they need to tip toward today.

How do I connect the Romans verse and thoughts from Simple Abundance together. I think the answer can be found another Bible verse that tell us how God would like us to think and live. Matthew 6:25-34 gives us Jesus thoughts on worry and our future. If God cares and provides so much for the "lessor" creatures and things of his creation, how much more will he do the same for his children? God provides us with the things we need for the moment, for today. He makes the sun come up. He makes it go down. He provides beauty in the flowers of summer and even beauty in the barrenness of winter. We just need to take time to see it. He even provides us with what we need in the moment to help repair our world when things seem to be at work to rip it apart.

It is human nature, the way of the world to spend too much time in the past or the future; to see what we lack in our present and not what we have. If we are to be transformed we will live each day reveling in our abundance; reveling in the beauty that surrounds us; and seeking to be the best person we can be at this moment in time doing the best we can with what we have. If we can do this I believe the future will take care of itself. I believe if weseek to do this we will find the promise and truth in Jeremiah 29:11--"For surely I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope."

Romans 12:2 does not just end with the above words at the beginning of this rather long and rambling post. It continues on and ends with....

"....so that you may discern what is the will of God--what is good and acceptable and perfect."

This is the full goal of my life for today. Not only to be transformed, but to be transformed so I may discern the will of God and do it today, not tomorrow.

HAITI

My heart goes out to the people of Haiti....to have so little and yet to have so much taken away from you. It is a tragedy of immense proportions. Once again it is in the midst of a tragedy that we see signs that most of the world can work together for common good of humanity in need. Cuba allows the US relief planes to fly through its airspace to save precious time in getting supplies where they are needed, and these are military planes. Countries rich and poor give what the can and in some cases even what they can't to help. People who last week thought they were so poor suddenly realize how "rich" they are and give out of their poverty to help. They stories are endless and the need is, at least at the moment, endless.

Yet even in the midst of all this there are voices, and sadly they are American voices, raised in meanness, pettiness and just plain ignorance. Even sadder these voices would want those of us who care and help to think we are the ignorant and misled ones. The saddest of all is that one of these voices professes to be a committed Christian. I take that back the saddest of all is that there are other Americans who believe them and side with them. I'm sure anyone reading this knows I refer to Pat Robertson and Rush Limbaugh. They are little men in my opinion and I hesitated to even name them, but evil must be named or it is allowed to continue. I wish I could apologize to the whole of humanity for their mean spirited small minds. They are people who desire to divide rather than strive to bring together. Enough said.

If you have not yet contributed to relief efforts in Haiti there are many good organizations out there. Like many folks I have a favorite. It is UMCOR which is the relief arm of the United Methodist church. 100% of what it raises for a specific relief effort goes to that effort. Any administrative costs are covered by the UMC church not the donors. Give them a thought when you choose an organization to donate to. Here is a press release on their efforts.

HAVE YOU EVER.....

Have you ever not been able to stop smiling and not had a clue why you were smiling in the first place????? Have you ever felt your spirit soar to the point that you feel as if you were staring in some grand musical in the scene where the music is swelling, the camera panning all around, and you are dancing with you face lifted to the sky and your arms outstretched????

Wow! What is it? Less than four hours ago I went to bed so exhausted as I said in the previous post that I thought I was going to cry and also thought I might just throw up. I'm not sure I even fell asleep, between then and now. I think it was more like I was in the in between state most if not all the time.

Before I turned out the light I read the days devotional thought from Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy by Sarah Breathnach. A couple thoughts struck me that I tried to stick into a corner of my mind for more thought in the morning they were...."Without thinking, you throw away every precious twenty four hours that come your way. You cease to live, and merely exist." and "You have the power to change your lifestyle and move from a feeling of lack and deprivation to a feeling of abundance and fulfillment." and finally "The simpler we make our lives, the more abundant they become. There is no scarcity except in our souls."

I then turned out the bedside light and had my evening conversation with God. For the most part it was the usual conversation (prayer) thanking him for the blessings I found in my day, asking for his protection over the house and myself during the night, and for a good nights sleep so I would be refreshed in the morning and be ready for another busy day. But I asked also that he show me how to move from that feeling of a lack and deprivation to a feeling of abundance. I confessed that to often these days I get mired in what I have lost, what I don't have, and I forget to notice and acknowledge the gifts, graces and abundance that he has placed in my life even now. I confessed my sense of aloneness even though I knew he, God, had promised he would never forsake me. Then I rolled over to go to sleep.

Being so tired and exhausted I wasn't sure if I easily fall asleep or be restless. Like I said I really don't know if I feel asleep or not, but I wasn't really restless, just felt more like being restful. It was probably about 9:30 by this time. I do remember checking the clock a few times, that's why I'm not sure I really fell asleep. Suddenly, I seemed wide awake and very rested. And even more amazing I began to feel like I was in that grand musical. It was as if my spirit was being lifted and that smile was growing inside and on my lips. I recalled a verse we read in the Monday Morning Study Group.

"But those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength.
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31.

It was amazing. I was watching in my head as it seemed I was dancing to that amazingly grand music. Spinning with my arms wide and my eyes uplifted to the heavens. I truly felt my spirit soar and my smile just kept getting bigger and bigger. I can honestly say I have never felt like this before, or if I have it has been so long that I have forgotten the feeling. I have felt awe and wonder, but not this sense of soaring of being lifted up.

I felt something within my soul saying "It will be OK. You are not alone. You will never be alone" and I knew I wasn't alone. Suddenly I was crying, but these were tears of joy. They must have been as I was still smiling, in the dark in my bed. Somewhat feeling like an idiot, but I didn't care. I still don't fully understand what was going on, but I'm sure it was God answering a prayer.

I tried for a while to calm down and try to go to sleep. I still do have to go to work in the morning, but I kept having the seance that I needed to come down to the computer and record what I had just experienced. I so wished there was someone I could have shared it with right then and there, but who do you call at midnight? Plus a part of me though wanting to share also wanted to treasure the experience in my own heart a little longer. Then need to record this didn't go away and still smiling I felt I better get myself out of bed to do so or I might never go to sleep. Having done so the sense of a soaring spirit has lessened though the smile is still present and I hope that now I may truly fall asleep and awaken renewed and rested ready to take on a new day with the smile at least in my heart if not still on my face.

I close with a statement and response we often use at gatherings at church:

"God is good all the time
All the time God is good!"

HAVE YOU EVER???

Have you ever been so tired that you have just wanted to lie down and cry? That would be be right now. Though I'm not sure I even have the energy to get the tears out.

YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE

Stumbled across the movie "Carousel " on PBS tonight. Staying up to late to finish watching it, but I can't resist. I have always loved this play and the music in it. My favorite song from it is "You'll Never Walk Alone". I remember playing this a lot when I was in high school.

I was not one of the popular kids. I did have friends, but we were a group of outsiders who were just trying to get through high school in one piece emotionally. We weren't the rich kids. We weren't the pretty or handsome kids. We weren't the athletes. We weren't even the nerds. In short we weren't much of anything but friends with each other. There were eight of us in a high school of over 2000. I often felt alone. I guess its safe to say though there were good times in high school it was not one of my happiest times in life.

I will never forget one night when things were particularly difficult, listening to this song over and over. My dad must have heard it through my closed door. He stuck his head in my room and asked if he could come in. He sat down next to me gathered me in his arms and told me that I never had to worry that he would always be there for me and I could get through anything as long as I held my head up and remembered that and also remembered the words of the song.

I couldn't help but feel my throat tighten and my eyes tear up when the song was song in the movie tonight. Some things like the feeling of loneliness never change even after 42 years. My dad has been gone almost 10 years, but I would like to think that he is still by my side helping me to get through life's storms. I love you and miss you dad.

Rodgers & Hammerstein - You'll Never Walk Alone

When you walk through a storm
Keep your chin up high
And don't be afraid of the dark.
At he end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark.

Walk on through the wind,
Walk on through the rain,
Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown.Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone,
You'll never walk alone.

QUIET NIGHT WAITING FOR MORE SNOW

Tonight signals the true end of the holiday season for me. I am back to being alone in the house. Mom has returned to her life in her home and so has Laura. The Christmas and New Year celebrations are over again for another year. Even friend Thelma has come and reclaimed her items that she had here prior to her reconciling with her husband. I'm so happy for her as they seem to have reconnected and rediscovered how much they mean to each other; determining life is better together than apart. For me however it is awfully quiet. Quiet is not totally bad, it's been a very busy holiday season and work this week is very busy, but it is lonely. The TV is only so good as company and it doesn't really respond when I try to talk to it. Oh well....that's life. Also there is always the promise of more snow to keep life interesting....just as the loneliness doesn't end neither it seems will the cold or snow this winter........maybe I need a dog for company....Naw at least not yet.

NEED TO REMEMBER!

I didn't get a chance to read a lot of my e-mail yesterday due to a frenzy of quilting that needed to be completed (and was) so went back this morning before I begin on a frenzy of quilt binding and read it. The thought from my daily Upper Room Reflection is one I need to remember in the coming days and months and actually its a good one to remember the rest of my life. It is a quote taken from the book The Uncluttered Heart: Making Room for God During Advent and Christmas by Beth Richardson.

"God of new beginnings, guide me through the seasons of the coming year. Whatever hardship or joy I face, let me face it standing with you. Whatever building up or tearing down I encounter let me take action under your care. For you are the creator of every season. Amen"

I guess it is actually a prayer that I need to start each day with. I see a craft project in the works. I think I need to make up pretty posters with this to put up all around the house, in my car and in my office. Maybe even a small laminated card I can carry in my wallet. I think I will need to read this over and over till it is truly written on my heart and in my mind.

GOING INTO 2010

Moving from one year to another....what comes to mind?

First thing I thought of was how much difference a year makes. Last New Years Eve was one of the best ever. Dinner out at an amazing German restaurant, tickets to a play Jerry and I had been talking about seeing for not just years, but decades, and finally bringing in the New Year in the Grand Foyer of the Kennedy Center. We listened to music and we danced the old year away. This year I am spending my first New Years Eve in almost 40 years without someone to kiss at and wish a Happy New Year to at midnight. How did I end up here? Am I really so stupid that I didn't see it coming or is it just true that "Love is blind?"

Secondly, I wonder how long into the new year I will have to go before I feel I am on solid ground once again? Or is there even such a thing as solid ground? This is the year I will turn 60. It seems everyone around me, even those years younger are thinking retirement and finding time to do things they have been looking forward to but couldn't do because of time commitments that come with working. But instead of looking toward retirement I seem to be suddenly working harder than ever and with seemingly no end in sight. Dreams I looked forward to making come true now seem farther away then ever. How did I get here? Will there be new reachable dreams? Or is it true that "Life is to short?"

There are only 30 minutes left in 2009.....what will 2010 bring? I don't have a clue. I guess that is one thing that remains constant. None of us have been granted a crystal ball. As 2009 ended while we were at the Kennedy Center I had no idea the challenges that 2009 would bring. I had no idea the joys it would bring. Nor did I have any idea the heartaches it would bring. Going into 2010 I can only take each day at a time. Asking that God grant me the grace to deal with what ever comes my way be it challenges, joys or heartaches. I do wish though that he had physical arms to reach down and hold me with. Ones I could actually feel. I now realize more than ever how important human touch is. Never again will I take it for granted.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

TWO MORE DAYS TO GO!

Two more days to go and it is good bye to 2009! There have been wonderful things in 2009. A wonderful dream trip to Alaska among one of the highlights and then a fun trip through MI and to MN. But there also have been some not so good and downright painful times including a serious return of my RA, being laid off from a job I held for 11 years, and most recently adjusting to living on my own for the first time in my life. I continue to work on focusing on the many blessing in my life. Sometimes this is easier than others. I am working to be honest with myself in terms of my feelings and honestly despite the good the year brought I am ready to put 2009 behind me and move on into 2010. I pray that it is a good year. At a minimum I hope it is a calmer and more stable year.

I have other friends around the country as well as near to home here in MD who are also facing difficult times. I share this prayer for a better 2010 and one that is calmer and more stable sor them as well. At times it seems that our world is turning upside down and even inside out. Despite all that, we must remember that God is in control and that his love and grace is there every day for each one of us. Maybe that is a more important prayer that we remember that one thought throughout 2010!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Though this year is a new kind of Christmas for me one thing remains constant. The reason I celebrate Christmas is a joyaous celebration and remembrance of God's sending to year his beloved son. A son that was born to a human mother and father in a humble stable among the animals. A son that was to show us the nature of God and give his life so that we might be reconciled with his father, our God. This is the best gift we could ever hope to receive. So despite what disarray my personal life might be in I am truly blessed this Christmas season and every day of my life! A very VERY Merry Chirstmas to all.

YES, LIFE OUT MY WINDOW

Well this is what thing looked like outside my front window before the sun went down and darkness settled in. Yes it is beautiful, yes it is peaceful, but also it set up the day to be a very lonely one. I did get a lot of things done including laundry, sewing of Christmas gifts and finally a batch of Christmas cookies baked. That is good, but also so sad as there is no one to share it all with. Tomorrow will also be a day home alone....not only that but a day of figuring out what the heck to do with 21 inches of snow and how to do it.

God is good as the saying goes and all the time he is good, but can he handle a snow shovel?

ENOUGH!!!!

On top of everything else do we really need to have a major snowstorm????????? How long will it be before I talk again...not counting talking to myself!!!!! IS 2009 over yet! I am so ready for 2010 it has to be a better year....it can't get much worse...she says with fingers, toes, and eyes crossed!

A QUOTE FOR THE DAY

Just a little thought from one of my favorite women's inspirational writers, Barbara Johnson.
" If things are tough, remember that every flower that ever bloomed had to go through a whole lot of dirt to get there."

DIFFICULT NIGHT

Boy was it ever a difficult and emotional night.
Every Tuesday night we have a dinner at our church followed by an Adult education class. Tonight we watched a movie on the life of Dietrich Bonhoeffer. IT covered his life from the time he left the US at the beginning of the Nazi reign in Germany through his arrest and execution by hanging. I had to be one of the most intense movies I have seen in quite some time. At first I thought maybe it was just me because my emotions are pretty raw and close to the surface right now, but then I realized everyone watching it was reacting pretty much the same way. When the movie was over Phil turned off the TV we were viewing it on and after a minute or two just looked at us all and said something like....."well, I've had quite a few years experience dealing with this movie...and yes it does hit hard....does anyone want to say anything..." there seemed to be a lot of ummmming and ahhhhing, but no one seemed to have any clue how to put any words together. Finally Phil just announced that we would meet next week for dinner and a "much lighter and less intense program" and someone finally responded with "how about Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" and that seemed to break the tension and we were able to talk a bit about the movie and the grief we all felt concerning mankind's inhumanity towards their fellowmen thorough out history and up to today.

So much to think and talk out concerning how we choose to live out our faith on a daily basis. Still an awful lot of emotion swirling around in my mind looking for an outlet.......

BACK ON TRACK THIS MORNING AND THANKFUL!

Dt 31:6 "Be strong and bold, have no fear or dread of them, because it is the Lord your God who goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you." This was part of Moses message to the Israelites before his death and as they were facing moving into the promised land without him to guide them. Moses reminded them that though things weren't going as they had thought things would or as they might have planned it would be OK. God would be with them. He would guide them and see that they were cared for.
Jos 1:5 "No one shall be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you." Here God is speaking directly to Joshua after Moses death. Joshua is facing moving into the promised land. A new place, the place promised over 40 years earlier to the Israelites as they were leaving Egypt. The journey they took to get from one place to the other was not an easy one. It was not what they had expected as they set out with Moses. But through out that journey God never once left their side even though they wandered from him multiple times and complained even more.
Heb 13:5-6 "Keep your lives free from the love of money, and be content with what you have; for he has said, 'I will never leave you or forsake you.' So we can say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can anyone do to me?'" From a sermon at the end of the book of Hebrews. According to my study Bible this part of the sermon deals with practical instructions to the community of faith. There was also a note which led me to....
Psalm 118:6 "With the Lord on my side I do not fear. What can mortals do to me?"

All the above is good news and good advice for a new day!

$)%*^&@@

Sorry there tonight are no words for what I am feeling! Hopefully tomorrow will be a new day and I will be back under control and feeling the presence of God by my side...but for tonight....I am totally and utterly alone!

TWO WEEKS......

Oh my gosh it's now only two weeks to Christmas Eve....so much to do...so much to prepare. I know that Advent is a time to prepare for the coming birth of the Christ child and I have been working on that, but it is also the time to prepare for Christmas celebrations with family and friends. It will be a different kind of Christmas this year on that front, but as for the birth if Jesus, that blessedly will remain the same. I thank God that he is a stable constant in my life.

However I will also provide a bit of constancy by baking some cookies, making and wrapping some presents all to share. I do have some work to do!

THE WORLD WOULD BE A BETTER PLACE

Oh if only we could follow this advice from Paul:

Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forginving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.
Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

-Ephesians 4:31-5:2

I'm sure if we could the world would be a much better place! A world which lived according to this advice; this would be the best Christmas gift I could imagine.

VERSES FOR TODAY

Philippians 4:4-7
4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.
4:5 Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near.
4:6 Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
4:7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

This is one of the lectionary verses for the week. It is a good one to keep in mind. I think each verse carries a key word.

From verse four REJOICE! It is always good to rejoice. Especially to rejoice in the Lord as we are told to do hear. No matter what my state of mind or emotion if I "rejoice in the Lord" I find I will soon have a heart of thanksgiving for all God has blessed me with; a mind full of wonderment at all he has done; and a smile on my lips.

From verse five GENTLENESS! Our spirit should be one of gentleness toward others and towards ourselves. In today's world of expected perfection and demanded immediate results it is often easier to be hard and judgmental. To be demanding of self and others. But we are called to be gentle.

From verse six we actually have a phrase DO NOT WORRY! When has worry solved anything? Worry is a time and an energy waster. I don't think that means do not be concerned, but when concerned we are to take those things to God. We are told to take our concerns to God. He will provide an answer and the first answer will be DO NOT WORRY...I'm here, I'm with you we can handle this concern together.

And finally in verse seven PEACE! This is the greatest of the words here and it comes out of taking heed of the first three. If we REJOICE, are GENTLE and DO NOT WORRY we are told God will grant us a PEACE that passes all understanding. A PEACE that only he can give and wants to grant to each and every one of us.

SNOW AND SADNESS

There's lots of snow out side today....more than there should have been. Everything looks beautiful and clean in the lamplight. It all looks so fresh. But there's no joy or happiness in looking at its beauty right now. Only sadness and the reminder of a very long winter that lies ahead. Which reminds me of the rather sad and I think mournful Christmas song;

In The Bleak Midwinter

In the bleak midwinter, frosty wind made moan,
Earth stood hard as iron, water like a stone;
Snow had fallen, snow on snow, snow on snow,
In the bleak midwinter, long ago.

Our God, Heaven cannot hold Him, nor earth sustain;
Heaven and earth shall flee away when He comes to reign.
In the bleak midwinter a stable place sufficed
The Lord God Almighty, Jesus Christ.

Angels and archangels may have gathered there,
Cherubim and seraphim thronged the air;
But His mother only, in her maiden bliss,
Worshipped the beloved with a kiss.

What can I give Him, poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb;
If I were a Wise Man, I would do my part;
Yet what I can I give Him: give my heart.

It just has such a sad tune though it is a beautifully haunting melody....

VERSE FOR TODAY

Today's Bible verse from my morning devotion is Philippians 1:9. Another God-incident? Maybe maybe not, but in any case this is a verse that will be my prayer for today.

"This is my prayer, that your love may overflow more and more with knowledge and full insight to help you know what is best."

I went to my Bible to find out the context this verse was in. This is from a letter of Paul to the church in Philippi. Paul was writing from prison. In the introduction to the book in my New Oxford Annotated Bible translation is says that the Philippians were also experiencing some sort of opposition. and that Paul's major concern is to bring them back together. Verse 9 states Paul's prayer for the people of the church at Philippi. The above is not exact in what the NRSV says and actually rolls over into a bit if verse 10. Here is the totality of verses 9 through 11.

" And this is my prayer, that your love may overflow more and more with knowledge and full insight to help you to determine what is the best, so that in the day of Christ you may be pure and blameless having produced the harvest of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ for the glory and praise of God." Philippians 1:9-11 NRSV

When Paul refers to the day of Christ he is referring to Christ's return to the earth in the second coming. He, Paul, and many in the early church believed Christ's second coming would be within their life time. Today we know this did not happen. It has been over 2000 years since Christ walked this earth and it may be another 2000 years or more before he returns. Or he may return tomorrow. But when ever the time of his return we as Christians need to be prepared and waiting. Living, in the meantime, the life which God has planned and prepared for us. Sometimes in our humanness we do not do a very good job of following God's plan, but God is good and he continues to work with us. He is a God of "second" chances. Actually I would say and third and fourth and so on. When we come to him and say "I know I messed up in following your plan, but I ask that you give me the faith and the wisdom to know how to hear and follow you", his grace pours out and this verse and Paul's prayer for the people will be answered.

Sometimes things are so easy that we distrust them and make them harder than they need to be. So my prayer for today is Paul's prayer. That your love may overflow more and more with knowledge and full insight to help me to determine what is the best. The love is God's to me and it is the love that will direct and guide me.

BITTER OR BETTER?

"We all have a choice in every difficult situation in life. We can become either bitter or better."
~~Corina Zalance

This is so true. I choose with God's help to become better. Which do you choose?

SAINT IGNATIUS & THE EXAMEN

Not being a Catholic I do not spend a great deal of time thinking about the Saints of the faith. Methodism, my denominational faith tradition, believes we are all saints. I believe the term is the "sainthood of all believers". But I do enjoy learning about the lives of the early saints of the church and what they offered to the early believers. When I say early I am referring to the pre-reformation period. Saint Ignatius is one of those saints that intrigues me.

The other day I refer ed to my morning devotional reflection that comes to me from The Upper Room. Other than a wonderful short devotional thought it comes with other things to ponder. One of these things is a weekly focus on some spiritual discipline. This weeks is "The Examen". I guess because of where I am in my life journey at this moment this spiritual discipline practice intrigues me and seems to be something that I would do well to practice.

Ignatius presented this practice in a little book he wrote called Spiritual Exercises. Some day I may attempt to read this little book but I do have to admit reading texts from the early 1500's is not all that appealing or easy. I think it easier to read some late 20th century writers explanation of it. Back to the practice of Examen.....it is a daily examination of our deepest feelings and desires. He believed it was these where what connects us with God, others and our selves. He also believed we must examine our desolations (he called the first our consolations). Our desolation's he said were those daily things which disconnect us from God, others and ourselves. It was Ignatius belief that God would speak to us through both our consolations and our desolations, but that we needed to acknowledge each for him to be able to do so.

Here is what the Upper Room has to say about practicing the examen:

"The examen helps us:
• Acknowledge sad or painful feelings and hear how God is speaking to us through them.
• Overcome a pessimistic outlook by encouraging us notice the good in each day.
• Tell the truth about who we truly are and what we need, rather than who we think we should be.
• Become aware of seemingly insignificant moments that ultimately can give direction for our lives.

Preparation: You may wish to light a candle. Do whatever helps you to experience God's loving presence with you. Take a few deep breaths. Breathe in God's love, and when you breathe out, fill the space around you with it."

I have been working on remembering each day to look for the things I am grateful for in my daily life. I have not remembered to do it daily but for much of 2009 I have challenged myself to each night find 10 things from the day that I am thankful for. Some days are easy some days are harder, but I have found no matter how my day has been if I search long and hard enough I will find at least 10 blessings that were in my day for me.

What I have never thought to do was also look for and admit to the sad and painful things of each day. Sometimes especially these days they seem far to obvious. But it occurs to me in learning about the Examen that in a purposeful acknowledgment of these "desolations" the power that they hold to separate me from God, others and self is diminished. And that in offering these things to God he can not only comfort but work with me using these things to strengthen and better me.

TURNPIKE OBSERVATION

It was very interesting today as I was driving home from a wonderful weekend visit with son, Jeremy. I do not like I-95, lots of crazies on that highway and too many trucks, so I prefer to go the PA Turnpike. It is a wonderfully relaxing drive and through some beautiful country side. Coming back today I was noticing something I have never seen before on that drive. All along the route, especially from Harrisburg to the exit before King of Prussia which is where I got off, I noticed cars and pick up trucks parked off on the side of the turnpike. They were all over the place. I could not figure out why there were so many abandoned vehicles along the turnpike. Then as I approached another small group of cars I got my answer.......hunters! It must be hunting season along that stretch of turnpike and the land along there is undeveloped. I was seeing cars of people out in the woods along there hunting, I assume deer. I nave never seen this before. Not sure if it's because I've never driven along there during hunting season before or if because of the state of the economy more people are hunting to put food on the table........

PERFECT WILL and PERMISSIVE WILL

A few days ago I began reading a book by Lloyd Ogilvie called Asking God Your Hardest Questions. It is a book that has been on my shelf for at least 10 years, never read. But I've had some hard questions through out 2009 and so when I was looking for some inspirational reading it seemed to pop off the shelf into my hands.

The chapter I read tonight is titled; How Can I Know God's Perfect Will? It was an amazingly thought provoking read. Here are a few excerpts from it that I need to keep in mind and mull over.

• "The perfect will of God is that we fulfill the purpose for which we were created: to know /god, receive his love, and enjoy fellowship with him forever....God's perfect will for our lives is that we love him, love ourselves, love others as he has loved us...." p.53
• "God's perfect will is what he intended: his permissive will is what he allows." p.54
• "God is always ready to go back to ground zero with us and begin again." p.55
• "...at the lowest ebb of history he {God} came to earth in Jesus Christ, the Mediator....The mediator's persistant ant prayer was, 'Not my will, but Thine be done.'" p.55
• "Is it possible to be a Christian and be out of the will of God? Yes. We can accept Christ's salvation and still run our own lives. Once again the Lord;s permissive will must be involved. He must work out to bring good out of our wrong choices. We are thankful that he does, but it's not the best he intended." p58
• "We can trust what God intends, believe that he will use whatever happens, and know that his ultimate will cannot be dissuaded," p. 62

There are many other wonderful thoughts in this chapter as there were in the preceding 3 chapters. I have 16 chapters more to go and can't help but muse over what wonderful things I will uncover in them.

I don't remember when or where I picked up this book, like I said it was at least 10 years ago, but there is a reason I did and that reason was so I had it on the bookshelf to read now!

THANKSGIVING SAY 2009

Today is Thanksgiving in the US. Traditionally a day when friends and family gather together to share in fellowship and a meal together. Even when traditions may change and there is not a large gathering of family or friends there is much to give thanks for. We should never loose sight of the many blessings in our lives. I hope that this Thanksgiving was a wonderful day for each and every one of my family and friends. As the saying goes......"God is good, all the time! All the time God is good!!!"

THOUGHT AND PRAYER FOR THE DAY

This will be my prayer for today: All I have is from God. He is the author and the Lord of my life. He loves me and will care for me. I just need to put myself in his wonderfully tender hands. The days and nights may be rough but he is with me always. This he promised. I claim this promise as my own and His love and grace will be enough.

Every morning in my inbox I have a short devotional thought from The Upper Room. Usually it is a quote from one of the books which they publish. Today's quote was from a book written by Norman Shawchuck and Rueben P. Job. The book's title is A Guide to Prayer for All Who Seek God.

The quote was "Take Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding and my entire will; all that I have and call my own. You have given it all to me Lord, I return it. Everything is yours to do with; as you will. Give me only your love and grace. It is enough for me." This will be my thought and prayer for the day.

To receive these wonderful morning devotional tidbits you may go to The Upper Room and simply sign up.

A LITTLE HELP WHEN NEEDED

THE 30 SECOND STRESS BREAK

1. Begin by sitting in your chair back straight, relaxed and looking forward. Place your hands over your stomach and breathe through your stomach so that your hands will rise and fall with your breath.
   
   
2. Imagine, that with each breath you are breathing in white light, that fills your whole body and mind with vital energy. As you breathe out, visualize all your stress coming out with your breath.
   
   
3. Now, as you breathe in slowly tighten the muscles that connect your shoulders and neck. Those muscles where we keep all of our tension.
   
   
4. As you continue to breathe in and tense you muscles, rotate your shoulders with tension, up as though you were going to touch your ears with your shoulders.
   
   
5. When you have breathed in all you can and your shoulders are snug around your ears, hold it for just a second.
   
   
6. Now, release the tension and your breath in a big whoosh at the same time as though you were releasing the weight of the world off your shoulders, visualizing ALL your tension rushing out with your breath.
   
   
7. Repeat this exercise until you feel clear, refreshed and revitalized!

This is from a web site I found that has some wonderful information on dealing with Emotional Stress. Compassion Fatigue. I am going to check out more of what this site has to offer.